Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Trampling of the heart


Sometimes memories come from out of the blue. These memories can run the gamut of time: running barefoot as a child through yard, my grandmother dying in a nursing home, my tears when my first love rejected me, the beauty of sunlight like diamonds on the water beckoning me, seeing my old dog as a young puppy bossing the other pups around, my wife's smile that still takes my breath away, and so many more....

These memories have the ability to trample my heart because they rush at me, tumbling through my mind. Sometimes the memories are so pleasant that I go over them again and again, wanting to relive those lost moments. I want to feel that first kiss again, hold the wiggling puppy in my arms, run like the wind, wear life like a loose garment.

Then there are the painful memories that dig their way into my psyche and take root in my mind. I'm glad that I can pull myself back to the present. I don't want to have the suffering and pain of this life bury the good feelings that are there. I don't want to have my heart be trampled.

I saw how sad and hopeless a young woman was at the meeting last night. She lives with an alcoholic husband who is verbally abusive. Her heart is being trampled right now. A sponsee called this morning to tell me that his wife who is a crack addict overdosed on pills yesterday and is in a coma in the hospital. His heart is being trampled too. I hope that eventually they will be able to turn these memories over so that the ones that are filled with love will come to the surface.

"Tragedy stays alive by feeling what's been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the result." Mark Nepo

22 comments:

  1. That's a great last line, Syd.

    Love you,

    SB

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  2. I have short periods when I'm overwhelmed by bad memories..not sure why they come on. I have to work at putting them to rest.

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  3. I'm with SC. I love the last line. I am so sorry for your sponsee and the young lady at the meeting. I have been where that young lady is. It is not a pleasant place.

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  4. I can relate to letting those old memories come back - a little at a time serves as a reminder that there is much life to be lived yet and I need to live it well!

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  5. i JUST read this....


    "To weep is to make less the depth of grief," ~William Shakespeare,
    King Henry the Sixth, Part III.

    over here...
    http://snifflesandsmiles.blogspot.com/

    i think it applies...

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  6. great thoughtin the last line.

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  7. I love this-- "seeing my old dog as a young puppy bossing the other pups around, my wife's smile that still takes my breath away..."
    It's a testament to a life lived well and I think, that those moments are still possible and will be possible, during recovery.
    I'm really sorry for your Al-Anon family. Sounds rough at the moment.

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  8. Though this is a sad post, it is an inspiring one. I love the quote you've placed the end. It's really true. I hope all of the hearts being trampled on right now eventually heal and recover from the pain and sadness.

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  9. I used to relive those painful memories continuously - through program, I've learned to let them go. Great post.

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  10. yes sometimes it feels like your heart is being trampled or that "that someone" just stabbed you in the heart again..

    Hopefully I will overcome these remembered times.
    Nice post.

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  11. Currently my heart is being trampled, but the steps and the fellowship have helped me to see that this too shall pass and I hope that in time my heart will heal.
    Thank you Syd...
    GM

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  12. Wonderful post, thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope!!

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  13. well they all have a higher power and I have to trust that each of us has a destiny to fulfill and a path to take.
    Great suffering does draw us closer to god. of that I am certain. My suffering has enriched my life for the better. Made me see a different side of life. It made me who I am. So it cannot be a 'bad' thing.

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  14. My 98 year-old Grandma is forever telling us "make happy memories because when you're old your memories are all you have left so make them good ones. Good advice!

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  15. Ah memories. Thankfully they are only memories.

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  16. That last quote is oh so powerful.
    Thanks for sharing that.

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  17. these days i seem to trample on my own heart, before anyone can get to it. prayers to the newcomer and for your sponsee. i am grateful for your blog and the insight in your wonderful comments. i think of the bloggers when i am in pain and it helps me too.

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  18. Life stuff can be really tough. Recovery makes life more memorable.

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  19. As I go through my 4th step I am seeing a recurring theme of loving and losing....getting trampled on...but I know that it was my own fear, doubt and insecurity that allowed that to happen. But I never learned. I am learning now. Now that I am sober.

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  20. This post brought tears to my eyes, it touched my heart and soul.

    You are an inspiration.SMILES

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  21. Loads of bad memories that still bother me sometimes, things still come back from all the things I said and did when I was actively drinking.
    Letting go of the past is hard sometimes but a necessary journey of my recovery

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  22. Lovely, if uncomfortable thoughts and ideas - thanx...

    Blessings and aloha...

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