Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Trampling of the heart
Sometimes memories come from out of the blue. These memories can run the gamut of time: running barefoot as a child through yard, my grandmother dying in a nursing home, my tears when my first love rejected me, the beauty of sunlight like diamonds on the water beckoning me, seeing my old dog as a young puppy bossing the other pups around, my wife's smile that still takes my breath away, and so many more....
These memories have the ability to trample my heart because they rush at me, tumbling through my mind. Sometimes the memories are so pleasant that I go over them again and again, wanting to relive those lost moments. I want to feel that first kiss again, hold the wiggling puppy in my arms, run like the wind, wear life like a loose garment.
Then there are the painful memories that dig their way into my psyche and take root in my mind. I'm glad that I can pull myself back to the present. I don't want to have the suffering and pain of this life bury the good feelings that are there. I don't want to have my heart be trampled.
I saw how sad and hopeless a young woman was at the meeting last night. She lives with an alcoholic husband who is verbally abusive. Her heart is being trampled right now. A sponsee called this morning to tell me that his wife who is a crack addict overdosed on pills yesterday and is in a coma in the hospital. His heart is being trampled too. I hope that eventually they will be able to turn these memories over so that the ones that are filled with love will come to the surface.
"Tragedy stays alive by feeling what's been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the result." Mark Nepo