Friday, November 27, 2009

The day after

Yesterday was a day of thanks and a day of reflection. There was plenty to eat, of course. My wife's parents came over, and for the first time, I could see that they are truly old. Both are nearly 90 and are starting to have health problems that make them slow down.

I know that this worries my wife. And it makes me more than a little sad. They have been good to me, even though we have had our differences. Her father is much different in political philosophy than either of us. That is okay with me except for the fact that he is intolerant of the views of others. I do know that each of us would do anything to help the other which is what really matters. So I listen to what he has to say and keep my mouth shut. I have learned in this program that each person has a right to an opinion even though I l may not agree.

In fact, what really matters in this life is that we do care about others in spite of differences.
It is how we give a hand to the other person, how we listen with our heart to really hear what someone is saying. I felt that so strongly yesterday. And today I remain grateful for my capacity to love others and to wish them the best. There is much good in each of us.

17 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to your wife. I am experiencing something similar with my own family. Give her a hug.

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  2. Your love and honoring of your father-in-law is a lot like the listening and honoring I do you my demented mom. You put it beautifully. The time will come when they will go and you will have given the very best of yourself to them.
    Chris

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  3. I learn so much from you Syd. you have all of my respect.jeNN

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  4. My family members who used to bait me with their very challenging political and religious views at family gatherings seem almost disappointed by what, for lack of a better word, is my serenity today. Love and tolerance is our code, and I really have to practice it at some family gatherings.

    But, at my grandmother's 90th birthday party, which was a couple of weeks ago, everyone was on best behavior. My grandmother's declining health (and mental functions) gave everyone a certain solemnity... There was little joy to be found in seeing her profound deterioration. But there was a lot of love. I'm glad I was able to show up this year, and be present.

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  5. "In fact, what really matters in this life is that we do care about others in spite of differences."

    That pretty much says it for me, too. I'm so grateful that my mom and I spent some meaningful time together this Thanksgiving week & that we are willing to put aside our differences as we move foreward. I'm grateful for such a wonderful memory.

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  6. 'much good in each of us'. Amen to that.

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  7. Well my question is....did they drive themselves over to your house?? lol

    Syd, I love the way you handle the differing of opinions. So respectful. It is beautiful really. I always learn so much from you.

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  8. My dad is alot like your wife's dad when it comes to politics and opinions lol. Sometimes it's tought to accept, but it's what makes the world go round and it feels great to be able to look past the differences, and celebrate the things we can enjoy together.

    I too have some really award winning in laws, I am truly blessed!

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  9. Sounds like lots of transitions are up for you now...

    Blessings and aloha...

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  10. Oh it is challenging when political views come up on Holidays.
    You summed it all up in such a thoughtful way.
    My step father dangles the carrot and these days I don't have to jump to the occasion.
    Thanks Syd

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  11. One of the most valuable things I learned years ago was to let others have their opinion and to let go of defending mine when I knew it would just cause hurt and anger...what would the point of that be?

    I am thankful for you, Syd, and all you share with us to help us grow and learn along with you.

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  12. This is such a hard lesson to learn. I struggle to balance speaking my own truth (not letting someone steam-roll me with their beliefs) while respecting another opinion. Often I don't speak up at all and feel guilty for not expressing myself.

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  13. So glad you had the time to spend and were able to see the good in them.

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  14. If only all people could adopt that tolerant attitude.

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  15. Grateful for the capacity to really love one another. The gift is ours. Blessing to you and your family.

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  16. Being tolerant enough to listen to others opinions without hasty retribution is a great virtue. You are commended for your tolerance and patience. God bless, Syd!

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  17. Syd,
    I have the same issue with my family. Many of us definitely do NOT share political views. I was thankful that Thanksgiving went smoothly anyway.

    Love, SB.

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