Monday, January 25, 2010

No options?

I learned this morning that a friend of my wife killed himself over the weekend.  He and C. were in a couple of groups together.  In fact, he once commented to C. that he admired how she "just quit and white knuckled" without having to go to rehab or detox.

I didn't know him well but knew his wife who attended some meetings that I attended.  It is all very sad to me.  My sponsor said that sometimes people think that there are no more options.  I don't have any answers as to "Why?". I can only imagine that dying must be more attractive than living at that moment.

C and I will go to the funeral tomorrow.  I still pray for the sick and suffering.  There just seems to be a lot of that at the moment.  I feel so much hope. It is as if in the midst of so much anguish I see life as still precious and beautiful.  I wish that C's friend had felt that instead of darkness.

There but for the grace of God.... 

37 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry, Syd.

    Under most circumstances, it is still a cruel, hard, selfish act. I will pray for him (I don't think his struggles are over) and his family.

    Blessings and aloha...

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  2. There has been a lot of death in our little community lately. It's sad. But let us rededicate ourselves to living rightly.

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  3. I have known a few people who have chosen suicide. I have found it very hard & painful to understand, sometimes. Did they know how much others would grieve? Did they know they were loved? In the moment, I suppose not. Glad you are feeling life's beauty & hope, in the midst of this.

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  4. There seems to be a lot of "giving up" recently.
    Not me.

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  5. I am sorry of your lose. I am blessed never to have felt that degree hopelessness. It is so ironic that people get addicted to drugs and alcohol because of the HIGH they get and yet it brings them to the lowest of lows. God bless us all.

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  6. You have a kind and gentle of not judging and explaining facts which helps all of us to keep our own feelings in check. I am sure you and your wife showing a presence at the funeral will help the widow.

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  7. That is so sad , death always is. My cousin committed suicide and its the ones left behind that are hurt the most as there is always the unanswered question of what more could you have done.. and really the answer is probably .. nothing. My condolences to all x

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  8. sometimes i still think what bliss it would be to close my eyes and not open them, calm, serene, quite..

    no more voices telling me i am worthless, no more triggers of the violent past, no more guilt...

    sometimes i still have dark thoughts, and i emphasize with this soul who thought this would help him more then trying to live..

    your last line says it all by the grace of God go I...
    and if i do not focus on my solutions that could be me, my disease is cunning and baffling and trying to kill me and i need to be diligent, thanks for this reminder...
    my condolences to your wife and your friends.. may he now find peace

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  9. My condolences, Syd. This is tragic, indeed.

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  10. By the grace is so true...it does seem as though many are in their own shadow selves, I hope that they find that there is so much more for living, but some may not and that is for us the living to learn from...

    Peace...
    Gabi

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  11. I understand what your friend went through. It could have been me this weekend..... I was lucky, with the white knuckling and a cat who loves me.

    Take care Sid and Mrs. Sid. May you never slip into the darkness.

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  12. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've known the loss of a few people who chose suicide; the news was a terrible shock with much mental pain. I wish you and your wife comfort and peace.

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  13. How sad that he felt there were no more options left. I'm sorry for you and your wife's loss.

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  14. A different mind takes over. It is not "your" mind. It is a mind that says over and over that everyone will be better off if you slip away quietly (or not so quietly, your choice). And you believe that. You really and truly believe that.

    And then something happens, I don't understand this part yet. "That" mind leaves and the old one comes back. And you can't even imagine contemplating such an act. You look at the people who care, they are so innocent, they had no idea. And you imagine what you would have done to them. You see them shatter in your mind's eye. And you are profoundly grateful for a miracle.

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  15. Thank you, Syd,for bringing the final reality of life into words of wisdom via your blog today. I, too, can identify with loosing 'everything' before I re-found my HP in Al-Anon and realized that my selfish wish to just quit - was just that - selfish. On the other hand, I felt that no one would care and that I had also run out of options. My therapist got me into a hospital for a while - where I was first introduced to the 12-step program, which has saved my life, and helped me learn and accept that I am truly a worthwhile gift of God.

    God's peace be with you and your spouse as you offer love and support to this grieving family.

    Hugs,
    Anonymous #1

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  16. I can't imagine the pain. So sorry for everyone, and glad you will be there as a show of support for the ones left behind.

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  17. Ugh this hits close to home right now. I am so sorry. Keep praying Syd. Please.

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  18. so sad.....I thank God I am past those days of lost hope. So sorry for thoese he left behind.

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  19. I can only share that when I was at that point, my thoughts weren't of dying, I just didn't want to wake up one more day feeling like I was feeling. I was unable to see that anything was ever going to change. I am sorry he succeeded. I am grateful I didn't.

    Prayers for God's grace..

    Namaste

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  20. Those that do this,are only thinking of themselves and not how much they will hurt their loved ones.As a survivor of several attempts my self,I understand both sides.I am greatful that I finally learned that it is just a perminate solution to a tempory problem.Sorry for the loss!

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  21. I'm sorry Syd. It is such a hard thing for the survivors.

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  22. It always saddens me to hear that someone chose to give up rather than accept a spiritual solution. May God's healing grace touch all who knew him.

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  23. Ach, so hard, this one. There used to be a terrible saying, that for every suicide, there's someone who wants that person dead, but I hate those generalizations and they help no one. 100%, it's depression that kills people. This is another casualty. Big sigh.

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  24. I am sad to know that someone you know has given up. No words touch it right now.

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  25. I am not giving up either. God has placed 12th step calls in my lap and I am totally grateful.

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  26. Oh Syd, I am so sorry for you and your wife. I have to disagree with Ed G. about suicide being selfish. I know that's a common reaction, but having had too much experience with it (long stories) I also know its seen as the only answer by the person who chooses it (unless of course its done in a moment of passion to hurt someone - I've seen that too). Its a complex issue. In any case, my heart goes out to his family. There's no doubt its the hardest type of death to accept and get over :(

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  27. So sad that all he could see was the darkness. I had a family member that committed suicide, it is so difficult for those left behind, more questions than any other type of passing. God Bless his family and you and C.

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  28. Sooooo Sad. But, there for the grace of God is so true for many of us. I have been in those dark places but managed to pull myself out of it. stay strong

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  29. Glad that we have the program to help guide us in this life.

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  30. This time of year there are many people that cannot find the patience to tolerate their turmoil much longer. I meet many who have tried to kill themselves or still want to. I find it is more common than people realize. I try to look out for those that look like they might become suicidal before they tell me they want to, as by then it might be too late to help them. They might be too deeply entrenched in a downward spiral mindset. So I look for em when they start their downward journey, to make the job a bit easier. With alcoholics I find the best tonic is service. I have seen very suicidal and unhappy people get better when they start doing it. I wish i could help every suicidal person I meet, but I simply do not have sufficient free time. Its very hard not having enough time to help everyone you want to, and watch them suffer. I like helping suicidal or very disturbed types. I feel very comfortable doing it. Its not for everybody, but I like it.

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  31. Syd -

    I'm so very sad to hear about this man. How has this affected your wife? Seems like when something like this happens in recovery, it sends such ripples through the rest of us.

    There is an awful lot of despair at the moment. Things are rocky in this world, and I can understand that it's hard for some people to go on in the face of it. He must have been hurting terribly and felt he couldn't take another day.

    I'll pray for his soul, but I know that God understands suffering more than we give Him credit for. I'm sure He was there waiting to receive this man. Peace - D

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  32. God's blessings to his family. It is a horrific thing to do to them.

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  33. sorry to hear the sad news. I to have been going through losses of late one reason I am not blogging much.

    I to am still finding it hard to believe how my hubbys nephew only 26 hung himself. I think life is beautiful even with the ups and downs. It is unclear and mind boggling as to why someone would take their own life. Is it shelfish? they do hurt their loved ones, they are the ones who are left to pick up the pieces so to speak.

    I heard when they do that as my nephew did we found a letter he had written and in that he said I am so tired of this dog chasing me, " bite me bitch " that was the last thing he wrote.

    Blessings and keep feeling well.. HUGS

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