Only a thought away

I was back at work today and without the headache. There was a general staff meeting to talk about the budget crisis and alert staff to the fact that there will be jobs lost and furloughs to try to make up for cuts. The concern in the room was almost palpable.

The outlook is indeed dismal, especially for those who are just starting their career. I feel sorry for them because worrying about job security really decreases morale. And in a field that depends on originality of thought, lowered morale can be detrimental to getting grant funding. And yet that funding is important for keeping staff employed.

I could feel a sense of relief as I left the meeting because I won't be around to see the carnage. That struck me as a pretty selfish thought, but honestly I have been writing grants and keeping salaries going for so many years that I will be glad to be out of the rat race. Days like today make retirement seem very appealing.

After the meeting, I went to an Al-Anon meeting where there was a large group of people, including several newcomers. At the meeting I noticed that a friend was looking particularly stressed. So I rang him up later to find out that he and his wife were having some heavy marital problems. The decisions that they are making are not healthy in my opinion and will likely have some dire consequences. I was once again reminded how quickly God and the principles of the program go flying out the window while self-will, fear, and insecurity come stalking in.

While we don't pick up a drink, we are only a thought away from acting on our emotions and throwing away people in our lives who have meant so much. Such is the nature of how our disease works.

Living with alcoholism and addiction creates distorted views of ourselves and others. It's as if I am looking at reflections in a Fun House mirror. If I can identify the distortions and work on changing how I view people and the world, then I can develop a healthy sense of self and get beyond my dis-ease with those around me.