I am tired today. I have been to two evening meetings which made for two long days.
On Monday, I went to my home group. We have been meeting for years in an old Sunday school building at one of the rural churches. The building is run down with moldy walls, no bathroom (there is a solution--find a tombstone or bush), and insulation falling from the ceiling.
One of our long-time members, who is part of the governing body of the church, was asked to carry the message that our group wanted to move to the newly built church where there are bathrooms, a kitchen, clean floors, and no mold. Not long ago, when asked repeatedly whether we would be moving, he let us know that he didn't "think" that the church board wanted to have us move to the new church because there was no way to lock up items (he blames the AA group who meets next to us for the theft of a TV). So we recently had a group conscience and voted to move.
Interestingly enough on Monday at the meeting, the Al-Anon/Church liaison announced that the church was now going to repair the bathroom because they don't want us to leave. It's basically too little too late. As one of the members said, "We have put up with enough just dealing with alcoholism. And we have been putting up with unacceptable meeting conditions for long enough. It's time for a change."
I can feel resentment that I have regarding this situation. I don't believe that the pastor or the governing board knew until recently that we were dissatisfied. I don't believe that the message was getting through that we wanted to move to a room in the new church. I am having to let this go because it serves no purpose for me to judge another. We are moving to a different church where there is a kitchen, bathroom, glassed in meeting room with a view, and where we are welcomed. That's the important thing. I need to remember my part, humility and gratitude.
Last night's meeting was fun. The topic was what tools do we use in the program. An actual tool box was passed around and we got to pick up hammers, wrenches, rachets, levels, and other tools that had slogans and Al-Anon messages attached. It was innovative and generated a lot of sharing about what tools we use to get through difficult situations. I think that the best tool that I can use right now is prayer and remembering to place principles above personalities.
Group conscience can be a trying experience. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHi Syd!
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like the group conscience did for ya'll what you were unable to do for yourself!
I am sitting here - in total peace with myself - grinning (in identifying with your blog) - like a Cheschire Cat!
Thanks for putting an exclamation mark on my glorious day!
Love and Hugs,
Anonymous #1
I've now been involved with several groups as they have gone through the agony of moving. I've seen a group that was thriving, dwindle to almost nothing as the personalities emerged and threatened the process. And I've seen other groups ride through it with no drama whatsoever. I hope your group manages the easy route.
ReplyDeleteWhat I love about this post is having read all of the issues regarding communication with the church and the discomfort that may have continued unnecessarily, you also shared the result which is that you all are a close group dedicated to and innovative in your continued work sharing the message and bring a spirit of enjoyment and fun to the table as well as practical and spiritual tools :)
ReplyDeleteGood stuff!
I'll try to keep this in mind as I continue to watch the stuff going on in my first home group.
ReplyDeleteMy home group meets in a hospital. Everyone, including the AA group, is always respectful as far as smoking, trash, congregating, etc. goes. People talk softly as they walk the hospital to get to the meeting rooms. Hospital staff is friendly, and communication is always timely and clear. I guess I took it for granted, but I won't anymore.
ReplyDeleteWow, Syd, you all were a group of hard core Alanoners. No bathroom? That's impressive. Your new digs will be a delight.
ReplyDeleteOne of our morning meetings in town used to be held in a banquet room on the top floor of a restaurant. We had access to a full menu and there was a server that would take our order and pour our coffee for us. ::sigh:: I miss that meeting.
One of the local groups here in town uses a 20x 16 room to house about 50-60 12 steppers. Much too small for this closterphobic lady. The church offers up a group so hubs and I have been wanting to check it out. It may be time to do so.
ReplyDeleteStick to your gut instincts and prayer and your solutions will come. Hugs
Tammy
thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteright now we have a trusted servant who does not do their job, updating the website. it has not been properly maintained in a while. my suggestion was to shut it down and just refer to the regional website as we do not have members with knowledge or willingness to maintain the website. for some reason our PI chair does not want to move forward on this and is hem hawing around the issue. now we are going to accommodate the web person by re-writing the duties of the position so that he has clarification of his job, which were clearly explained before.
personally i just need to not engage in the discussion as that is when i get resentful. i have plenty of other work to do and need to let this be what it is. so thanks for this post
A great post on tolerating the unacceptable. I love the idea of the toolbox meeting.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you got that new room. It sounds very comfortable and
ReplyDeleteinviting. Anyone who had been through what we have needs a break!
I've also had a couple of meetings lately about tools. Must be something in the air. I love the idea of an actual tool box. I may use it myself! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled upon your blog. Looks like it's going to take some work to get even slightly caught up with everything that's going on.
ReplyDeleteI'm an alcoholic and know practically nothing about Al-Anon. No surprise there; no one knows less about AA than an active alcoholic, so why should I know anything about Al-Anon?
Part of the reason for my ignorance is that every Al-Anon site I've run across before yours strikes me as mean-spirited and even vile. Looks like I'm going to learn something in spite of myself.
Thanks.
I love this idea of passing a tool box around containing tools labeled with Al-Anon sayings. Very neat.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure God will bless your group in its new location.
PG
i truly understand this. bigger picture - remember the bigger picture. sometimes it is in the failure that we learn...
ReplyDeletehmmm, when things don't go the way we want them to... but yes, you do have a new place, where you are wanted, which is the most important thing right?! love the toolbox idea...
ReplyDeleteGee Syd, I'm impressed. I probably would have shot my mouth off at that remark, like you said, the church had no idea. The old saying goes, never pass up a chance to keep your mouth shut. well done!
ReplyDeleteI am involved in online service organisations and find it hard to detach when others don't respect process or consensus. A learning curve.
ReplyDeleteLike AA, Alanon is experiential and not opinion-based. I don't believe you can have the remotest idea of the power of AA involvement unless you are fully participating and committed to the primary purpose.
ReplyDeleteI would find the same things challenging for the same reasons. Prayer is a great tool for those things.
ReplyDeleteEvidence of God as expressed in the group conscience.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to get back into my group myself. It sounds as though your meeting conditions were deplorable, but I know that you were grateful just to have a place to take those emotions. I wish you well, and thanks for hanging in there with me.
ReplyDeleteD
I loved your comment that there is no profit in judging another. It's our own behavior that we need to keep our eyes on. The tool box idea was very cool. Someone is inventive.
ReplyDeletePrinciples above personalities for me is dealing with my ego. I tell myself I am not better than someone else so why do I feel upset with them. The tool box is great. Visuals always work for me. Enjoy the journey of the move to the new meeting place.
ReplyDeletelove the toolbox idea.. I agree one has to feel welcome. The new roomsounds inviting as it should be
ReplyDeleteHUGS
One of my homegroups is now moving and the other one moved about 2 montsh ago. Change is always uncomfortable for me, at first, even when I know it is a positive change. This too shall pass. I hope your new place fits your group well.
ReplyDeletenamaste
Glad you will have a new room with a view (and a toilet!). Very creative idea about the toolbox. Visuals like that always seem to stick with people longer than just hearing the words.
ReplyDelete