I was talking to my sponsor this morning about how calm and serene my life seems today. There are moments when the old stuff tries to ooze back to the surface of my psyche, but all in all, I have little to get me off balance these days. My sponsor says that is a sign of recovery. I like to think that it is a sign of how recovery is helping to keep a balance within myself and with those around me.
The calls do come in from those who are off balance. I just received one from a man who attends some of my meetings. He regularly reaches out to me to talk about his son who is an alcoholic. The call a few minutes ago was from a frantic man whose 28 year old son came home drunk last night at 3 AM, broke glasses in the kitchen, and locked himself in the study with a decanter.
I asked the man how he was doing, already knowing the answer to that just from his voice. He said that he didn't know whether to talk to his son or not this morning. I asked him whether he knew much about boundaries. And then said that one of my boundaries was not living with active alcoholic drinking. We talked a bit more about having a boundary in which the son understands that he will not be welcome should he decide to come home drunk.
And then I suggested that the father go with me to an open AA speaker meeting at noon. That would enable him to calm down; to hear an alcoholic's experience, strength and hope; and to talk more about what he thinks would be appropriate in terms of talking to his son and setting some boundaries.
I am grateful to be where I am today. I am grateful that others feel comfortable reaching out to me. I can take them to a meeting where they may hear something that will not only open their hearts but clear their head as well. God seems to provide the balance in my life. And today he is directing me to help another person who is teetering find a little balance too.
PS: Thanks for all the questions that I have received. You guys have sent me some tough ones! It's still not too late to ask a question. See yesterday's post about what's up with ?? I will be posting the questions and answers tomorrow. So be as bizarre and original as you'd like. That's part of the fun.
That man is lucky to have someone like you to help him.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how much time passes just to read a situation like this one upsets my stomach and I have to remember to breathe.
ReplyDeleteI envy your feelings of serene calmness. I am really starting to try and work the program but it is very new and feels foreign to me. When I am not entangled in my son's life, I get these anxious feelings like I have given up on him. I do realize how wrong the above statement sounds but it is my reality right now. The good thing is I am getting educated now and it is really opening up my eyes. I can see when I read blogs people who are content and even happy living their lives while still dealing with their loved one who happens to be an addict. It amazes me and I want to get there. Can I add you to my Blogroll? I will be reading your blog regularly.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your service.
ReplyDeleteWhat jumps to mind while reading this post is the desperation of the family member with their alcoholic. When I meet family members struggling with their loved one's addiction, I am always aware of how they want them to get better right away. What pains me is the realization that recovery is a process and there are no quick fixes. This is something that can't always be communicated.
ReplyDeleteYou sound happy. I like that.
Syd - It's always nice to hear when someone finds a little balance. Right now I'm in between groups. The only program that seemed to "fit" me was Celebrate Recovery, but I have to admit to being a little reticent about going to a church-based recovery program with my partner here in the Bible belt. Yet I know that I need a group, a sponsor, and other people who are seeking a balance.
ReplyDeleteI love coming to your blog and hearing your wisdom pour forth.
D
I am sure your friend was glad to have you as the calm port in the storm. It is astonishing how we can be there for each other, usually without giving it a second thought.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a long journey from the chaos of living with the disease of alcoholism without any recovery to a life that has peace, balance, and joy with AA and Al-Anon recovery.
ReplyDeleteThank God I found them both. Syd - you are a blessing to so many. I thank God for those who have helped me and are still here for me. I am also so grateful for those there for my daughter who is coming up on 3 months sober.
PG
I hope your friend and his son can both find the peace that you have. You might have given him a start toward that.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and aloha...
feeling at peace used to bother me. too little drama and excitement after so long a time of it... it felt like i was doing something wrong. but once again time taught me what peace is and how to enjoy it. strange...
ReplyDeleteSyd, thank you for blogging, your words are so helpful. Have a great Thursday.
ReplyDeleteGreat point in seeking healthy boundaries. I seem to find balance when I am respectiing my own boundaries. The message I got from an AlAnon meeting recently was "We can be happy, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not." Open AA meeting was an excellent solution!
ReplyDeleteThe serenity of others is what I wanted so badly when I came into the program. Being around people who walked the walk rubbed off on me even when my mind was like your phone callers. It makes a difference. I attend open AA speaker mtgs for hope. It gives me perspective and lets me know that my son is in Higher Hands...
ReplyDeletenamaste
I took the liberty to copy this blog entry and to print it off for a friend of mine who is having a hard time. She is a recovering alcoholic with a husband who still insists on drinking and she needs to set boundaries.
ReplyDeleteThanks for telling it from your perspective.
Boundries, so important and so elusive to those of us who are just addicted to controls and substance.
ReplyDelete'tis good to have contact with those who need help because it helps me to not become one of those who needs that much help. It feels so good, giving back what was freely given us!
ReplyDeleteI am learning to be patient with myself, to give myself time to get to where you are. Right now I am pretty much just at the point of being okay with NOT being okay. I know I will get to a better place soon and I do see some progress...thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope that one day I can say I have more serene days than I do not.
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