Friday, February 26, 2010

Counterfeit people

I have met people before who even after extensive conversation left me wondering whether I knew any more about them than before I started. I was such a counterfeit person. I didn't want you to know the real me with all my pain.

I am aware much more than ever when I am faking it. Generally that comes out when I am around someone who sends off "beware signals". There is something that tells me to be on guard. Perhaps I am simply recognizing another counterfeiter.

I know also when I meet someone who is the real deal. There is an instant connection. I feel their calmness, peace and spirituality. I see this most frequently in meetings. It is the idea of attraction to their spirit rather than the self-promotion of the ego.

I have had similar feelings from those who blog. I can feel your sincerity. You are authentic in the emotions expressed by the words written. I can feel the happiness, the anxiety, the anger, the grief as if I were right there. I will certainly miss Scott whose Attitude of Gratitude is a blog that I have followed since my start here. His lists and quotes have been the real deal to me. Thank you.

Today I am heading up the Intracoastal Waterway for a three day weekend. It is breezy and chilly, but none of that matters because I am on the boat. I am authentic here. There is nothing forced, no one to impress. As I like to say when I get on the boat "I have already arrived" regardless of my destination.


  1. I know what you mean about being on the boat. I did have a 25 ft sailboat but that is not when I knew I had arrived. I feel that way here in this town in Nebraska. I feel like I came home and I had never been here till two years ago. But what an awesome feeling to know in your gut and your heart you are where you want to be.
    Enjoy your weekend and all you gain by being on the boat.

  2. I know what you mean! I am one of those open people but its not cause I try to be, I have to try NOT to be sometimes cause I am too open about sharing my real self and that makes some people uncomfortably (at least F2F).

    @Tehcnobabe - I hope I find my true home someday. I know its somewhere north and or east of where I am.

  3. SYD, I feel just the way you describe "I've already arrived" regardless of my destination...when I climb on my motor scooter and head out to wherever as the wind whips by at a "comfortable" speed.

    GOOD post, thanks!

    ...and feel "attraction to their spirit."


  4. I agree on all counts - I aspire to "real" in all my affairs.

    Blessings and aloha and bon voyage...

  5. One of the wonderful gifts of recovery is that our instincts become trustworthy again after we do the steps. Our intuition is trustworthy. We can believe in our sense of right and wrong. If a person is faking it, we can sense it. We can see through our own pretense. Have a good weekend. It is raining here, so I think I'll work on my taxes and accomplish something.

  6. Good for you! I too love being on my boat. I'll have to wait till late Spring, since it's only 20 degrees and the wind is blowing hard. I can't wait to get out there on the most beautiful lake, looking at the blue sky and the mountains. That is also where I find peace. Happy boating!

  7. Blogging has given me so many opportunities to exercise tolerance and acceptance. Not to mention restraint of tongue and pen!

    You know Syd, I don't believe we can make judgments about authenticity or 'realness' online until we have met the blogger face to face -- often I find posters are struggling with issues they can't mention or lack communication skills. I admire anyone who has the courage and persistence to blog.

  8. I hope you have an awesome weekend. I am glad I don't have to be anyone other than who I am. It took me a long time to find that person and she isn't too bad...a bit quirky at times though!


  9. Your sincerity comes across here. You often make me think, and always make a connection.

    Having met Scott, he is genuine. I know he will continue to spread serenity in one way or another.

  10. we all need to have those places of refuge where we can be ourselves... enjoy the sail!

  11. I know what you mean about counterfeits. I am brand new in al-anon and I have different counterfeits depending on what I sense people want me to be for them. Counterfeiting is all about keeping myself invisible; if you can't see me, you can't hurt me. In a severely alcoholic home, there's room for only one person. The other members of the family become non-people, focusing on keeping the alcoholic alive and getting through another day. This then evolves into a way of life. Thanks for your blog. It's a wonderful touchstone for my day as I realize I'm not ALONE....

  12. I hope you happy in everthing. God bless you.

  13. It is definitely a scary process peeling back those layers, but what a wonderful freedom!

  14. Thank you for the idea of the counterfeiter. Sometimes I too feel myself acting through an experience.
    Woody Allen's film Zelig is a hilarious look at the counterfeiter man. Whomever Woody stands by he becomes physically, morphing with them.
    I wanted to be liked so I just took on what I thought people needed in a friend. This is a painful part of my recovery my people pleasing...
    Well maybe one day I can laugh about all and not take myself too seriously.


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