I had another of the anxiety dreams about alcohol last night. It was about my father. He has now been dead for over 25 years. And yet, there are times that he comes back to visit me. Seldom are these dreams happy. That makes me sad because I know that he was such a good person. It seems unfair that he only comes to me through these dreams that are unsettling.
The dream last night was one in which he had stayed away for days. My mother and I presumed that he was drinking. He never did this in reality. He would simply sip his bourbon on his days off, starting about 10 AM and be fairly drunk by dinner. Then he would go to bed. He was not a binge black out drunk. Yet, in this dream, he is gone, and we are dreading his return.
I tell my mother that it is time that she left him. I suggest that she sell the house and move someplace else. These dreams are so unsettling because my parents were married for over 50 years at the time of his death. I don't think my mother ever thought about leaving my father who eventually quit drinking altogether as he got into his 60's. But in this dream, she thinks that it is the best idea. She will sell everything and move away.
I know that these dreams are my anxieties surfacing. They leave me feeling unsettled and disoriented when I awake. But then I can reach over and hug my love who is lying next to me. She drowsily asks me how I slept. I tell her about the dream, and she says that it was just a dream. I look at the slumbering dogs lying on the floor. One is chasing something imaginary in her sleep. Just like me.
I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams. Jonas Salk