It's a beautiful day here. The windy conditions that made us rock and roll most of the weekend have given way to flat calm. There isn't a ripple on the harbor. Once again, I long to be out there. I could easily have stayed a week out, but it's Monday so that means I show up and am accountable at my job.
I feel refreshed today, even though there were some sleep disturbances over the weekend due to swells that kept the boat rocking and rolling during the flood tide. We would be jolted awake at 4 AM by the rollers and would hear sounds that made me think the boat would come apart. Once the tide changed to ebb, everything settled down and we would drop off to sleep about 7:30 AM. There is a certain amount of faith that goes with having a boat. That isn't much different with living life which also requires faith.
Last night we went to a sober anniversary party in which two fellows celebrated 20 and 30 years. It was a good time. I haven't gone to many AA parties, but I seem to have a great time whenever I go. The stories that are told about DUI's and marriage breakups are followed by a lot of laughter. I've thought that a good thing--to be able to laugh at the f**kups of the past and realize that today doesn't have to be like that. It feels as if I am in a group of people who absolutely insist on enjoying life. I feel right at home.
Tonight is my home group. I have the topic which is going to be on character defects (and assets too). I know that I have a host of defects that I have become more aware of through recovery. Some of them I no longer cling to. I have acknowledged them and brought them to the light. I found that pretending I didn't have any faults around others was ridiculous. It not only disgusted me but made me seem unreal to others. So tonight I want to explore some of the more common character defects and balance them with out with the admirable parts of ourselves that don't often get the attention they need. It is all about balancing my shortcomings with the assets. I am no longer ashamed of having character defects. They are part of who I am.
In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others. Paths to Recovery, page 72