It's a beautiful day here. The windy conditions that made us rock and roll most of the weekend have given way to flat calm. There isn't a ripple on the harbor. Once again, I long to be out there. I could easily have stayed a week out, but it's Monday so that means I show up and am accountable at my job. I feel refreshed today, even though there were some sleep disturbances over the weekend due to swells that kept the boat rocking and rolling during the flood tide. We would be jolted awake at 4 AM by the rollers and would hear sounds that made me think the boat would come apart. Once the tide changed to ebb, everything settled down and we would drop off to sleep about 7:30 AM. There is a certain amount of faith that goes with having a boat. That isn't much different with living life which also requires faith.
Last night we went to a sober anniversary party in which two fellows celebrated 20 and 30 years. It was a good time. I haven't gone to many AA parties, but I seem to have a great time whenever I go. The stories that are told about DUI's and marriage breakups are followed by a lot of laughter. I've thought that a good thing--to be able to laugh at the f**kups of the past and realize that today doesn't have to be like that. It feels as if I am in a group of people who absolutely insist on enjoying life. I feel right at home.
Tonight is my home group. I have the topic which is going to be on character defects (and assets too). I know that I have a host of defects that I have become more aware of through recovery. Some of them I no longer cling to. I have acknowledged them and brought them to the light. I found that pretending I didn't have any faults around others was ridiculous. It not only disgusted me but made me seem unreal to others. So tonight I want to explore some of the more common character defects and balance them with out with the admirable parts of ourselves that don't often get the attention they need. It is all about balancing my shortcomings with the assets. I am no longer ashamed of having character defects. They are part of who I am.
In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others. Paths to Recovery, page 72
I like how you speak of how silly it is to pretend you don't have any character defects. Letting of that fallacy and acknowledging the ones we have is a real freedom.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest thing in recovery for me is maintaining balance.
ReplyDeleteAfter growing up the alcoholic oldest son of an alcoholic mother and the grandson of two alcoholics grandfathers I had a hell of a time believing that I had any "good" in me. Just a constant drumming of all my shortcomings.
Had a hard time coming up with the assets. But come up with them I did, thanks to HP and fellowship.
thanks for sharing
Jim
I'm learning more and more about balance as I have to wait for God to remove the defects since I've given it all to His care anyway.
ReplyDelete:) Good post.
We were out trying to fish yesterday but what we came back with was an experience with dolphins visiting and pelicans too, no bites but a beautiful sunrise and the rain paused just long enough for us to spend the morning beautifully near Castle Pinkney!
For so many years I hid all my good assets behind the bottle. I let alcohol kill my creativity, and let it rob me of many things I loved doing. Now living in sobriety I am breathing life back into those fogotten passions. We think we are being modest by focusing on our character defects, but really we are denying the unique personalities granted to us by our higher power. Sounds like you will have a good meeting!
ReplyDeleteI like reading about your boat !
ReplyDeleteYou sound good Syd..keep sharing.
ps.I'm pretty calm after I've rocked and roll too ...lol...
Thanks, Syd. Your boat rocking with the waves is a great metaphor for finding serenity and managing life within our programs. Would love to hear your lead tonight. Go get 'em!
ReplyDeleteCharacter defects might just be my specialty...I am learning to embrace them. I am going to learn to find peace with them if it kills me.
ReplyDeleteFunny - it seems to have been a beautiful day here too. I hope you got all your defects and assets figured out for the day.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and aloha...
I think true humility is acknowledging that we may have some good bits.
ReplyDeleteI love the image that the rocking boat put in my head. It isn't something that can be controlled, the rocking boat, much like life. Love the reminder and the beautiful picture.
ReplyDeleteI loved your words, "There is a certain amount of faith that goes with having a boat. That isn't much different with living life which also requires faith."
ReplyDeleteWe also have two boats and love the water!
we are who we are. and better off accepting and acknowledging our defects.
ReplyDeleteVery nice post (once again) and stunning picture!
ReplyDeletebreathtaking photo...
ReplyDeleteI love the feeling of humility, it feels good to be at peace with oneself. I think this is what is meant by serenity.
I think you are great, Syd, just as you are.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
I really enjoy spending my time with people in recovery. I feel more at home and understood. Belonging is important, wherever that maybe.
ReplyDeleteI too have discovered many defects through my journey- some I accept, some I am working on changing. Awareness is the first step to both.