"This party is a one time event...the LAST party you will every attend with these people. A party for YOU. She is saying she won't go because she's not comfortable around those people, but what about you? Doesn't it matter how you feel? Can't she consider giving up one night to discomfort to stand by her man at his retirement party?"
This was an excellent comment. It made me realize how far I have come with my recovery. I did feel some pangs of disappointment when C. didn't want to go, but I understood. I accepted her answer. And I felt no resentment. I think about what the Big Book says about acceptance:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
By accepting that I don't need to change another person, or brow beat them until they do what I want, I keep my serenity. By admitting that I have no power over the decisions of another or situations that are baffling, then those things hold no power over me. Accepting the decisions of others doesn't mean that I have to agree, like it, or ignore it. It simply means that I am powerless to make someone do what I want. I just accept that. It is reality and not fantasy.
By accepting that I can make some decisions and take action about what I'm going to do, then I start living life in an active way. This is such an important lesson for my recovery. If I give in to wishing that things were different, or start asking the self-pitying "why me?", then I no longer have any serenity.
Barbara was worried that I might be angry at her comment. Contrary to being angry, I feel much closer to Barbara because she was honest in what she asked. She wrote from her heart. That is another gift of this program. When I write or speak honestly without a mask, then I have stopped being a counterfeit person who tries to please others at my expense.
I am making this a Good Friday here.