Fifth step

" For me the exact nature of our wrongs is the unspoken, self-defeating assumptions that give rise to my thoughts and actions. These include notions that my best is not good enough, that I am not worthy of love, and that I have been hurt too deeply to ever really heal. If I dig deeply enough, I usually find thoughts such as these beneath the things I feel worst about. I am learning to examine whether or not there is any truth to these assumptions. Then I can begin to build my life around a more realistic, more loving way of seeing myself." from Courage to Change

I am hearing one of my sponsees fifth step later today.  I find this to be so inspiring--the honor to be trusted to have someone confide in me.  I know that admitting the exact nature of my wrongs to myself, God and my sponsor confirmed that I not only had a lot of good in me but some bad as well.  I knew that after doing my fifth step, I could no longer ask God to forgive me for what I have done but will have to ask forgiveness of what I am about to do. 

I think that the fifth step really kick started the notion that I could love myself.  I realized that I wasn't a bad person.  I was beginning to feel what serenity really is. The journey of trusting my Higher Power and my sponsor became much clearer.  And I came to understand a feeling of humility that led me to much greater compassion and love.  

So we are going to go to the beach, sit on a blanket and just talk.  What a powerful thing to be surrounded by evidence of my Higher Power and to be sharing in the trust of another.