I feel as if I need something to jump start my spirit today. I haven't been to a meeting this week due to being on the road. I had set up three meetings with sponsees yesterday and today, but each one of them has canceled. And I feel a bit lost about this. You see, I get a lot of my recovery from working with others. It is as mutualistic a relationship as the bee with the flower: the flower gets its pollen passed to another flower and the bee gets a food reward from nectar. Somehow my spirit thrives when there is such "cross pollinating" with others in the program.
I called my sponsor this morning to check up on him and chat. It is almost a daily thing for me. We connect, talk about things, share what is going on and then go about our day. But there is a connection. I'm not sure how the connection broke down this week with my sponsees. Yep, I was out of town but only heard from them to cancel. Maybe they are doing great. I hope so. I simply have to let them go about their business.
I also received an admonishing email from an old colleague who thought that C and I must go to Virginia to a memorial service this weekend for another colleague who died a couple of months ago. The email stated that being the best friend of the deceased (J.), he knew that J. would want us there. He wrote:
"I would have gone to India for J.'s memorial, but then he really was my best friend, and you rarely get one of those. Can you believe there will be 300 people there? Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learned in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything."
Maybe this was designed to instill guilt, maybe to control and manipulate, or maybe it was purely about his losing his best friend. I don't know but decided that the lecture on friendship was really a bit much. We both talked to J. before he died. He is gone now. I can just as well remember him the way that he once was. In fact, I much prefer that. Besides, I doubt if J. really cares at this point how many people are there or whether we are. The spirit world is much more forgiving than the world of the living.
As for a renewal of my spirit, I'm going to go out on the boat this weekend. No surprise there. It's going to be hot but a decent breeze. I will not spend too much time musing on sponsee commitments, guilt trips, or other matters that I am powerless over. In fact, I can feel my spirits lift after writing this down. Thanks for reading.