Friday, May 7, 2010

Jump start my spirit

I feel as if I need something to jump start my spirit today.  I haven't been to a meeting this week due to being on the road.   I had set up three meetings with sponsees yesterday and today, but each one of them has canceled.  And I feel a bit lost about this.  You see, I get a lot of my recovery from working with others. It is as mutualistic a relationship as the bee with the flower: the flower gets its pollen passed to another flower and the bee gets a food reward from nectar.  Somehow my spirit thrives when there is such "cross pollinating" with others in the program. 

I talked to each of the sponsees.  Life is going on for them just as it has for me this week.  One canceled due to concentrating on a daughter's graduation, one canceled because he needed to rest,  another canceled because of another event that came up.  I talked to another sponsee who was taking his dad to an appointment.  He said that he would call back but hasn't.  And another sponsee hasn't called in two weeks.

I called my sponsor this morning to check up on him and chat.  It is almost a daily thing for me.  We connect, talk about things, share what is going on and then go about our day.  But there is a connection.  I'm not sure how the connection broke down this week with my sponsees.  Yep, I was out of town but only heard from them to cancel.  Maybe they are doing great.  I hope so.  I simply have to let them go about their business.

I also received an admonishing email from an old colleague who thought that C and I must go to Virginia to a memorial service this weekend for another colleague who died a couple of months ago.  The email stated that being the best friend of the deceased (J.), he knew that J. would want us there.  He wrote:
"I would have gone to India for J.'s memorial, but then he really was my best friend, and you rarely get one of those.  Can you believe there will be 300 people there?  Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain.  It’s not something you learned in school. But if you haven’t  learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything."

Maybe this was designed to instill guilt, maybe to control and manipulate, or maybe it was purely about his losing his best friend.  I don't know but decided that the lecture on friendship was really a bit much.  We both talked to J. before he died.  He is gone now.  I can just as well remember him the way that he once was.  In fact, I much prefer that. Besides, I doubt if J. really cares at this point how many people are there or whether we are. The spirit world is much more forgiving than the world of the living. 

As for a renewal of my spirit, I'm going to go out on the boat this weekend.  No surprise there. It's going to be hot but a decent breeze.  I will not spend too much time musing on sponsee commitments, guilt trips, or other matters that I am powerless over.  In fact, I can feel my spirits lift after writing this down.  Thanks for reading.

28 comments:

  1. It's nice to see that others struggle with the same things I do. Most importantly is to witness the solution. I get it.

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  2. Have a relaxing and carefree weekend. Your friend knew how much you cared for him. Remember him any way you want. Peace....

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  3. Maybe he just used the vernacular "you" because he wasn't comfortable writing "one" or "we" or "I" - if he'd used any of those in his writing, would it have still felt like a guilt trip, do you think?
    I agree that funerals are for the living. I hope you have a weekend to fill your tanks.

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  4. My spirit is activated after a beautiful May morning painting with 2 students at a State owned park that used to be the estate of a wealthy person. There were lilacs and wisteria and other beautiful flowers plus apple trees, grass and plenty of blue sky. I feel a sense of mutuality in the work we all did and the conversation sharing while we were working. There were also quite a few pleasant conversations with strangers this morning so while not specifically engaged in working The Program, I feel the spirit described as 'cross pollination' was in full force for me today in my dealings with others. At the end of each painting session I always say silently to myself, Keep Coming!

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  5. Chin up Syd. Usually when I think it is all about me......well, you know.
    Have a great weekend!

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  6. Take care & have a good weekend ;-)

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  7. Thanks for sharing. Good idea to let it go. Sponsees have the responsibility to contact the sponsor and do the work. The weekend on the boat will be relaxing. Enjoy your weekend.

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  8. that is a great line on the spirit word being more forgiving...have fun out on the boat....

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  9. As I was reading your blog I was reminded how precious life is because I heard a horrible crash horrible... and ran outside to find an accident where a car had been hit so hard it flipped.

    No resentment or bad thought is worth harboring ... life and loving experience is more important.

    Sorry just had to get this out as I pray for the people who were involved.

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  10. "The spirit world is much more forgiving than the world of the living" So true.

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  11. my one last sponsee has not called this week, and I tool gain so much by sponsoring. So many of my sponsee folks have left al-anon, I feel the need to actively recruit new sponsees.

    How does one do that? Go re-charge your batteries on the boat and have a blissful weekend. Self care, numero uno!

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  12. I need a day like that. A day to just...let...it...all...go.
    Thanks for reminding me that it's possible.

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  13. That is the thought which grabbed me as I read this post, Syd:

    "The spirit world is much more forgiving than the world of the living."

    Oh, I certainly hope so! And I want to be one of those forgiving spirits! Maybe while yet in the world of the living is a good time to begin forgiving...

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  14. Let go..Let God..And let the breezes blow :-D

    ♥namaste♥

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  15. re the admonishing email

    its so nice to be on a different vibe than the rest of the ? secular' brigade. Felt connections make ones presence or absence secondary. whatever his beef is, it is his stuff.
    so yes, glad you did not feel you ought to get entangled in his view of things.

    have a nice weekend on the boat :)
    Kathy (Gospodi) is visiting London ! which is nice :)

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  16. I think J whould rather have you out on the boat if he could rather. Besides, it's up to you, not him, them or anyone else.

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  17. I just know your boating over the weekend will jump start your spirit. How could it not?

    Thank God Al-Anon allows us to make our own choices rather than having to follow the choices others think we should make.

    PG

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  18. The thought of being strong enough to be someones sponsor is an amazing concept for me right now. I know just from the supportive comments you leave me on my blog that you must be a great sponsor! I really like reading your blog. Thank you.

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  19. You just inspired me to call my sponsor - thanks! :P

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  20. Sounds like your doing a great job of accepting a crap week and making the most of all you have. Your garden is so amazing I'm very impressed with all the work you've put in there. And a boat...wow! I would be pestering you to go for a sale. One of my best times was jumping off the side of a friend's sailing boat at sea and swimming back to shore wondering if I was going to make it! Amazing. Hope you're having fun.

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  21. I can relate to this so much, I went to a meeting tonight, one I don't usually go to, and it helped restore my spirit to kick off my weekend in a much better frame of mind. I hope you have such a wonderful weekend on the boat.

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  22. Hey Syd, what I've learned is that people deal with death in very individual and sometimes unpredictable ways. When my best friend died, people insisted on a huge memorial event which I simply endured; I had to go as it was right here but my heart was far away. I didn't speak at the event which some noticed, but what I know is that after she died, I felt her peace and had my own private spiritual communication with her-- watching the Canada geese fly over Lake Michigan with my dog at my side. She loved nature as much as I and it was a pure moment for me and the wide expanse of the lake expressed more of her life and spirit than a memorial service ever could. I do think we have to give ourselves permission to process the deaths of those we love in the right way for us and not worry about what others say.

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  23. Enjoy yourself, good for you.

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  24. When several negative things come together it hurts. Let them all go. To an outsider it just sounds like coincidence. Perhaps your HP has deemed that you need to rest and relax and remember your friend in your way today - I also have a sneaky feeling that he may have your work cut out for you next week and is preparing you the best way possible. Regards.

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  25. I know the boat has restored your spirit. Thinking good thoughts of you...

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  26. Love the bee photo. We had a film festival in SF this week and one film in particular about bees was one I missed.
    One of my dreams is to have bees in my back yard.
    Maybe one day

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  27. Like the cross pollinating analogy. So true.

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  28. you have your muse,
    what a pleasure to see you find your way out...
    insightful and motivational post!

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