Pee on something else

I think one of the seldom mentioned casualties of living with a black out drunk is random peeing.  In graduate school, I've seen fellows pee in the corner of someone's living room, in a fire place, just outside the bathroom, and so on.  There might have been some kind of attempt to make it to the general vicinity of the bathroom but...oops..couldn't quite make it. 

This random peeing phenomenon isn't limited to guys I'm sure, although I thankfully have to say that I have not seen a woman squat down in the living room and let it flow.  However, I do know that drunk women miss the toilet seat or piss all over it.  I do have data for that.

This kind of stuff is something that those of us who live with alcoholics don't discuss much.  In fact, I've not heard anyone's drunkalog mention this, probably because it isn't something that is remembered by the drunk. But it sure as hell is remembered by the sober family members. 

The other day a lady in one of my groups mentioned that she was horrified to come home from a meeting after work to find her husband peeing all over their new Swedishly-expensive mattress.  She has been having some difficult times of late with hubby in and out of rehab, making promises to get sober, and so forth with the same refrain: "I'm going to do quit drinking and change." 

But she said that something snapped inside her as she saw him happily peeing on the mattress.  She forgot all her Al-Anon speak and started screaming at him.  His retort was "Leave me alone!". And then, "What's the problem?".  So after some program kicked in, she left the room, grabbed a blanket and fell asleep on the couch, leaving him to sleep who knows where--on the urine soaked bed...maybe?

The next morning she told her husband that she wanted him to leave.  She also told him to clean up the bed before he left.  And then she left for work, detaching with as much love as she could muster.   And her sharing with the group included this question, "Why couldn't he have chosen a table or chair to pee on? Why did it have to be the new mattress?" Why indeed....?

It is hard to have compassion at the moment these things occur.  You've had a hard day, come home, and find a loved one happily urinating on something special or vomiting in a shoe.  But arguing and hurling insults at the drunk is not productive.  Better to get a bucket or a catch basin.  In the moment though the mind goes blank with incomprehension.  I've been there.  It's not quite the deer in the headlights but more like the deer that feels the impact of a Mack truck.

The next day when all the apologies start and the humiliation hits home is also difficult.  The stain that is left on the heart is something that words and a whole bottle of Lysol won't remove for a long time.  If it weren't for all of us in the fellowship who can share these stories, and now actually chuckle at the disasters that have occurred, I think that we would certainly have given up.  But we keep coming back, lend an ear, and offer our strength and hope to those who see nothing humorous at all about a fellow mistaking the mattress for a toilet.