Today has been a better day than yesterday. Last night, a friend and I sat and talked about K. and reminisced about her. It helped for us to just talk. And we wondered whether she knew how many people were missing her. It all seems senseless and is, but I have had to let it go and realize that this has to be turned over to God. I am sure that He has her in His embrace. And amazingly enough I slept well last night.
The little dog Hazel is being taken care of by another friend. K. asked that Hazel be cared for in her suicide note. Hazel was the puppy that K. got after her "heart" dog passed away. Hazel has some separation anxiety and doesn't like to be left alone or she chews up pillows. So she is crated at night. I couldn't help but wonder if Hazel was there when K. was dying. Maybe that was some comfort for K., but that is another thought that I need not dwell on.
I have two sponsee meetings today which help me to realize the power of this program. There may be a lot going on around me, but focusing on helping others gets me to a good place. I am grateful that God has provided another day in which I can see what a great thing living is. As I've written before, I want to stay around for the final act and not leave during intermission.
Many thanks for your comments and thoughts. We are there for each other. I like the honesty with which we can express true feelings. There are days when each of us struggles with something. It may be a minor aggravation or a truly huge thing in our lives. But I realize that with my Higher Power and friends in recovery, I can keep moving forward on the journey. That is such a comforting thought.