Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Getting busy

Today has been a better day than yesterday.  Last night, a friend and I sat and talked about K. and reminisced about her.  It helped for us to just talk.  And we wondered whether she knew how many people were missing her.  It all seems senseless and is,  but I have had to let it go and realize that this has to be turned over to God.  I am sure that He has her in His embrace. And amazingly enough I slept well last night.  

The little dog Hazel is being taken care of by another friend.  K. asked that Hazel be cared for in her suicide note.  Hazel was the puppy that K. got after her "heart" dog passed away.  Hazel has some separation anxiety and doesn't like to be left alone or she chews up pillows.  So she is crated at night.  I couldn't help but wonder if Hazel was there when K. was dying.  Maybe that was some comfort for K., but that is another thought that I need not dwell on.

I have two sponsee meetings today which help me to realize the power of this program.  There may be a lot going on around me, but focusing on helping others gets me to a good place.  I am grateful that God has provided another day in which I can see what a great thing living is.  As I've written before,  I want to stay around for the final act and not leave during intermission. 

Many thanks for your comments and thoughts.  We are there for each other.  I like the honesty with which we can express true feelings.  There are days when each of us struggles with something.  It may be a minor aggravation or a truly huge thing in our lives.  But I realize that with my Higher Power and friends in recovery, I can keep moving forward on the journey.  That is such a comforting thought. 


  1. Sigh....Hazel looks very soulful. Animals are always a comfort...glad today is a lighter for you...

  2. I have firm belief that dogs have a sense of death or near death.

    When my son was dumped at an emergency room by his druggie friends, unconscious and not breathing the emergancy room workers and doctors brought him back.

    We were called by someone at the hopital to come quickly. After a few hours he was released to our care and we brought him home. He had been given narrcan to counter the effects of the narcotics and he was still only half conscious.

    When we got him home our golden retriever, Lexi, would not leave him alone. We could barely get him up the stairs. When he flopped into bed Lexi sniffed him methodically, inch by inch, head to toe. She especially lingered around his mouth smelling his breath. She would not leave his side.

    The next morning she was still sitting up in the same heightened alert position as we left her, standing guard over him. When we walked into the room our son was stil asleep and she relaxed at that time.

    There was no doubt in our mind Lexi knew exactly that our son was nearly dead. She was doing all she knew to do to help.

  3. I am glad that today is better for you.and I am glad that the day is a heck of a lot better Celestine and me as well.

  4. Hazel looks like a bundle of energy. Yes, animals are always a comfort but I have to wonder if she witnessed her human leaving. That makes me sad. I will never understand when someone takes their own life and don't even try. With that said I am glad to be able to say I have never been in a place in my life to even think, much less consider such a thing. Bless you Syd and all you do.

  5. Our dog is a bit larger than Hazel (I held him today for a weigh-in!),
    90 pounds which produced a sore back for steveroni.

    But that same soulful, caring, even loving look, like another human in the house. Jealous when even one talks to another here.

    I'm sure he would be a comfort to me, and to PG or her daughter at a time of great pain or death.

    And, GOOD for you, Syd! Rather than hide somewhere (on a boat--grin!) and lick your wounds, you got out and about because you KNOW that's where God's will really is.

  6. Being able to say what you feel and to be accepted as you are with all the bumps and warts is comforting. I am so sorry your friend did not feel the acceptance. Of herself and others.

  7. Yes it's lovely to be part of the big blogsphere when things are difficult. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel lifted by helping others. it seems to pierce through the most impenetrable darkness. amazingly quickly. I'm glad the program is working for you just like Ive seen it work for lots of other people. if its any consolation I believe we all have a destiny.
    Like Ajhan Chah used to say 'Everything is teaching us'

    I am glad you are feeling better today. and I'm glad you are taking care of the cute doggie..

  8. Oh Syd, I am truly sorry for your loss. I am glad you are feeling better today, and hopefully little Hazel will be at ease soon. Thank you for sharing her with us. I, too feel it is good to be alive, and what's more, to live.

  9. man, i feel sorry for the dog...i have a kid i work with thats mom committed suicide earlier this year. its been a long road.

    glad today you seem to be in good spirits...keep walking....

  10. I'm here and reading but have little comfort I can give.

  11. There are prayers for you and all of you that are in this moment of grief.

  12. Syd, I am glad you slept well, I was worried about you.

    Hazel is a beautiful dog. I am glad she will have another home. OUr animals really are like family members.

    Be good to yourself in the next few days. We do care.

  13. Syd, I am sorry for this loss, it is a hard place for us who are still here and so easy to want to somehow think it out with the "why" but it's a puzzle that I have never solved...Thank you for your honest and very loving posts regarding K, she and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.


  14. I am sorry to hear about your friend. That is hard. I hope sweet Hazel finds a nice forever home. She looks like such a sweet dog.
    Good that you got together to reminisce about your friend last night, and good that you got out today. Please accept my sympathies.
    God bless.

  15. This post made me want to go out and get a dog. I am grateful you find comfort in helping others Syd, because you are good at it. I hope your day brought you much joy.

  16. Poor Hazel. It is heartbreaking.

    Love you.

  17. I found this post very moving, on many levels. More than I can express here, except to say thanks.


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