Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A kind spirit gone

I received a call this morning that a friend committed suicide.  She had 26 years of sobriety but had suffered terribly over the past year with depression.  She was a dog lover, a kind person who sponsored others. She became the sponsor for a young woman that I know who needed her firm guiding hand. That young woman today has several years of sobriety and is working a full time job.

I would see K. walking on the beach with her little dog.  She was a quiet person who didn't open up to many people.  I am glad that she died sober but am so sorry that she was taken to the depths of despair by depression.  I know that each of us who knew her will wonder if there was something that we could have done.  But the answer is that there is no way to know when a person has run out of options and has decided to make the final decision. 

If she had reached out, a dozen or more hands would have been there ready to grasp hers.  But she chose not to do that.  For whatever reason, she chose to leave this life.  I often feel helpless after something like this happens.  I want to ask the why questions over and over.  Yet, I realize that does nothing. I can't take back time or bring her back.  She is gone. Rest easily K.  There are many of us thinking of you today. 

36 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Depression, especially in sobriety when you are doing the real deal, is so baffling to me (having been brought to the point where I thought suicide was an option several times in the past two years.) I pray for her family and friends.

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  2. I know the helpless feeling that overcomes you at a time like this. May your friend rest in peace.

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  3. I am so sad to read this Syd. Depression is a horrible thing that some people cannot get through. My sympathy to your and her family and friends.

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  4. Syd,I am saddened by the loss of your friend.Take comfort in that she is home with God and does not suffer no longer.I have been where you friend has been so many times myself.I have reached out and yes there have been many hands to help.K Rest In Peace,You Are Home.

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  5. oh man. heavy stuff...had a few friends along the way fall to their own hand..and always wonder why we did not know...

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  6. Our friends lost their 18 year old son to suicide three years ago. His little brother is my son's best friend....his mother and I are also good friends and I have sat with her on numerous occasions when she asks the "why" questions, and we will never have the answers. Sigh...May K have found her peace.....

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  7. How sad. Syd, last year a husband and wife here both long-time sober, both GoooD friends, took their lives.
    So I know how you must feel.

    But you have the wisdom to know the difference here, and that is sometimes, People die so that others can live, as happens often in our programs.

    You have my condolences, Syd. God bless you...and K.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. Yesterday I lost a dear friend from the fellowship to cancer. you are in my prayers.

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  9. Oh Syd. I am so sorry. Now I know why you are having a bad day. Big hugs and cat head bonks.

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  10. I truly believe the Universe enfolds those who choose to transition under such sadness and surrounds them with the love, peace and serenity that they could not find in this realm. This is my hope...

    ♥namaste♥

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  11. Oh, Syd. I have stood in those shoes...the bewilderment caused by the loss of a friend in the fellowship is unnerving. Prayers to you and her family for healing and love.

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  12. I've been in the place you are- what could I have done?
    I hope you are at peace, too, Syd.
    I send good thoughts to K. through the universe.

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  13. I am sorry to hear this sad news Syd. You are right, the answers to the why are just not there. May your friend's spirit live on in your memories.

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  14. I am so sorry Syd. Depression is a cruel disease.

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  15. Someone passed on some wisdom today, they had witnessed someone decline who had done excellent service etc over the long span of her sobriety. She warned that you can become isolated as the years and accomplishments pile up. You can become ashamed to admit that you need help or that you are struggling.

    Don't forget where you came from, hubris is a killer of recovery

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  16. I am sorry Syd, feel for you and depression a awful thing I know well.
    In sobriety though makes it all the more sad.
    I reckon I will always like to have a good blog occasionally thanks to you and your encouragement

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  17. Oh Syd, I am so sorry. That is so so sad.

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  18. Sorry to hear of this news. Life has many challenges.
    Glad I have a program to help guide me in times of trouble.

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  19. My deepest condolences on your loss. Depression is a terrible illness, as baffling as Alcoholism, to my way of thinking. Keep her memory alive in your heart.

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  20. I'm sorry to read this, Syd. I understand how it feels to lose someone and also how it feels to be in such despair. She's at peace now. I hope her dog is okay.

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  21. This kind of news breaks my heart. Having suffered from depression for a majority of my life and having little reminders still from time to time, I can truly identify.

    Depression is crippling. I pray she has found peace. I pray for peace for those who loved her that are left behind.

    There is no real understanding because one can never be inside the interior of another human being. I used to judge this kind of thing - NO MORE!!!

    PG

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  22. I am also sad. I know that one of the AA founders struggled with depression, once he was sober. I like to think our that if K had come to Emotions Anonymous she might have found the help she needed, too. But it still requires that will to reach out and seek hope. I think when the automatic thoughts take over, they lead to a precipice that too easily separates us from others and from hope.

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  23. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and fellow traveller, Syd.
    It's a choice I cannot understand, and leaves behind a devastation I cannot easily forgive.

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  24. I am so sorry to hear this Syd -- depression is so little understood and such a terrible illness.

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  25. Syd, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for what you are going through. May K rest in peace.

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  26. So very sorry to hear this, Syd. I hope your friend has finally found peace.

    Love,

    SB

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  27. Syd, I'm sad about K. Have had a few friends go out this way. Depression is an illness just like diabetes, which you can get whether you're drunk or sober. I've had it in sobriety, and the program of recovery simply can't heal the illness at times.
    i pray for those who are left behind, because they suffer.

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  28. I'm so sorry for your loss, Syd. We can never really know what's in another person's heart. I hope your friend is at peace. I hope you find peace.

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  29. So sorry for your loss and for the loss of all those who love her...I can't help but think of her dog, too...I will be praying. I pray for your friend even now...God holds her...a loving, compassionate and all knowing God that understands what we do not...and what she did not. God's love and mercy are far beyond anything we can fathom. Take care. Jeanne

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  30. Syd... these events are mysteries. For me they clarify the miracle of my recovery. Not once since I started working an AlAnon program have I wanted to kill myself. Not even through the time I lost control of my pain medication and became an addict. This is a gift of the program...

    These mysteries also remind me to take good care of myself. Hope you are doing so today. love, --G

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  31. Depression is a tough one. It isn't a matter of just giving into it. It may be chemical imbalance as well as hormonal. I don't believe we have all the answers for it yet. I hope she is well now.
    When you feel like it, Syd, read the Sunday Roast at http://eddybluelights.blogspot.com/
    Your name is mentioned in it.

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  32. I've had this happen to 4 AA friends since being in the program. The interesting thing is that they all died sober, and, like you said, they were very contributing members. I am so glad that depression is not one of my maladies.

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  33. sad... prayers of peace offered up to God for K and all of her family and friends, including you.

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  34. Below is from Carol's comment above, which will remain memorable to me, and is worth repeating.

    "She warned that you can become isolated [during sobriety] as the years and accomplishments pile up. You can become ashamed to admit that you need help or that you are struggling. Don't forget where you came from, hubris is a killer of recovery."

    This applies to recovery in Al-Anon as well, especially the don't-forget-where-you-came-from and the hubris-is-a-killer parts.

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