Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Time to produce

I haven't produced much today but the garden has.  I went out early this morning but apparently not early enough. It was 90 F in the shade.  I was covered in sweat by the time I took photos and harvested some veggies.  This is the type of heat that is deadly.  So after walking the dogs, watering the flower beds, and doing some harvesting in the garden, I am back inside and not sure what to do with myself. 

The garden entrance
Cherry tomatoes are ready to eat
The garden this morning

There are a lot of green tomatoes on the vines

The eggplant flower is nice
An okra flower next to a growing husk. 
Last night, I went to the meeting an hour early to meet a sponsee who didn't show up until the regular meeting.  He is consistently late when we are supposed to get together.  I drove an hour to meet with him. He lives 5 minutes from the meeting and "forgets" that we are supposed to meet because he has had a tough day.  So I told him that I was pissed and that he needs to call me if he can't make our meeting.  I told him that it was inconsiderate and disrespectful to not let me know. 

What is interesting in Al-Anon is that those who are in terrible pain and desperate for help will sometimes forget the pain and the cry for help when the alcoholic is no longer in their lives.  Yet, the patterns of behavior that caused me to accept unacceptable behavior and continue to repeat my destructive history would still be there if I hadn't been wiling to go to any length for recovery.  I am one of the fortunate few who was willing and felt the urgency to do the work. 

More beans coming up

Some of the pickings from this morning. I won't be able to play my sexy eggplant joke on C. which sends her into peals of laughter.
I am not sure about this sponsee.  But I will wait and see.  The ball is in his court.  I will keep doing what I have to do to help others.  But they are the ones who ultimately have to produce or recovery is sure to wither.  


  1. Your pictures are fabulous. You are a photographer too, right? The pictures are so clear with rich and vibrant colors.

    A sponsee who stands me up is not a pleasant thing. I sponsor a lot of people so I have to make it clear pretty quickly that if our relationship is to continue there needs to be better accountability. Having said that, I also have my prayer from Easter...."God give me strong, straight boundaries with smooth, soft edges.

    Very nice post, Syd.

  2. yeah that would piss me off too...glad you were upfront about it...too many would say "no big deal" which just gives them an excuse for next time...

    the garden is coming up nice!

  3. I've been wondering if it's appropriate to 'fire' a sponsee who seems very sweet but not committed enough to do the work. She also cancels appts. and isn't following suggestions (go to more than 1 meeting a week, pick up the phone, etc.) I'm glad I have Al-Anon, too.

  4. Holy Moly, that is a small farm, not just a garden. Huge. Good thing you decided to stay out of the heat for the afternoon.

  5. Love the photos from your garden..
    Living near the ocean it is a challenge to have ripe tomatoes but I have learned the secret. Grow near a heat source...like large boulders or cement.

    It is important for me to set boundaries, I often fumble with this simple task due to my people pleasing.
    But just for today I am taking care of myself and letting others take care of themselves. If they fall that is the course of their actions maybe they will go to whatever lengths to get help.

  6. What a beautiful yield from your gardens which in themselves are beautiful. I know what you mean, my sponsor is always asked to sponsor people, she doesn't worry about taking on so many people because she told me after two weeks she pretty much knows whose ready and who just wants help, and the steps done for them. It seems calus but she is an awesome sponsor and it you are willing to go to any length she can take you there. Thanks for sharing the pict...

  7. oh.my.goodness.
    your garden is BEAUTIFUL!

  8. When I finally got to the program I was without hope and wanted to understand how I got here.I have met many that leave once the crisis has passed. It is hard for us to accept that we are part of the problem and when it seems like leaving will solve everything. We are our own problem and we take that where ever we go. I feel lucky to have stayed but it isn't easy to accept responsibility for everything in our lives. No one to blame.

  9. I believe you did the right thing. I am infuriated with inconsiderate people. But, then, I think this is how world and its people are. They are not supposed to be like this in an ideal sense, but they just are. Everything is taken for granted.

    Any ways, great photos! Keep up the great work!

  10. If your sponsee "forgets" that you guys are supposed to meet, he ain't gonna call you to tell you he can't make it.
    I would tell the guy to call me to re-confirm on the day of the meeting. I think.

  11. Keep at it Syd. I see you as a role model for what I would like to be.

  12. Dang! Your garden is gorgeous! As to the other issue- I would suppose that everyone comes in thinking that they can do it "their way". Probably doesn't work that way, does it?

  13. That is the coolest, most tidy garden I have ever seen!

    I don't know what I would have done about the sponsee, but ultimately it is his recovery, right?

    The eggplant joke? TMI dude! LOL!

  14. I wouldn't fire a sponsee who wasn't being abusive toward me. I would openly question her willingness and call her on any bullshit. But if it's her own recovery she's short-changing, that's her own decision. All I can do is model appropriate behavior and demonstrate for her what I've learned through my sponsors. I'm not here to be her friend, I'm here to take her through the work.

    BEAUTIFUL raised beds, Syd. We just built three, and I thought THAT was big work. You have about two dozen, with hoses rigged up and everything. Wow.

  15. Syd, thank you for your kindness to always comment on my posts. your short note was especially meaningful to me today.

    I am still surprised how much the encouragement of strangers is helping me.

    Your garden is beautiful I gather from the other comments you are retired. I look forward to doing more gardening when I am retired.

    God bless you and thanks again.

  16. i've learned that recovery is definitely "cafeteria style" where we serve ourselves. I suppowe you can at least feel great about the fact that you continue to serve yourself by attmepting to serve others.

    Good for you, saying something to your sponsee about being respectful of your time.

    I love the garden photos, what a beautiful place you have...

  17. Sorry the sexy eggplant joke is a fail. Damn the bad luck.

    Drink lots of water. Try and stay cool. It's hotter than Hades in Ohio, too.



  18. Hey Syd,

    I so want to eat those yummy vegetables! I'm vegan and so my mouth is watering with all the imagined meals I could concoct from such bounty. Mmmmmmm

    Re. the sponsee, that is quite cavalier of him, I think, especially given the amount of time it takes you to get there. I missed a check-in call with my sponsor recently and thought, "oh, that's ok, it's just a check in call and I'll explain tomorrow." Well, she was pretty cool about it since it was the first time I did this, but she nevertheless told me that if I started skipping calls, we would have to return to the schedule we had when I first started in February which was pretty intensive. That was enough for me to make my amends and NOT DO IT AGAIN. I don't think it's a bad idea for there to be some kind of consequence. What we do or don't do affects others and isn't this part of what the whole program is about?

  19. Your garden looks beautiful. I love the way you combined tending to your garden with recovery.

    In my line of sponsorship, our tradition is that the sponsee comes to the sponsor. Mine call me at their scheduled call time, and they come to my house to work their steps.

    The idea is that it's their recovery and, while I am here for them, they need to take the steps, both figuratively and literally.

  20. Your garden is impressive sir. Very impressive.

    Your patience with the stand-upper is too. That is one thing that I simply cannot abide.

  21. Your garden is incredible!!!! I can almost taste those tomatoes.

    90 in the shade? In JUNE? Ugh!

  22. Sorry about the rude sponsee...BUT, your garden! Oh my gosh!! That is my dream garden Syd! I love those pictures... thank you so much for sharing them.

  23. I am in awe! Thank you for sharing pictures of your wonderful garden :) Your life is so interesting to me, you do so much in a single day (including blogging of course!), I find myself sometimes thinking of what YOU'RE doing in a day as it is always more exciting than what I'M doing! :) lol

    Interesting what you say about people who forget the pain when the alcoholic is no longer in their lives. Uh, "practice these principles in all our affairs". This is not about the alcoholic - it is about us - and having a more rewarding life in all aspects! (soapbox there)
    God bless :)

  24. Your garden is beautiful. I wonder if a scientist had an advantage to growing things. I have one flower in each of my pots on the balcony. I'm not a scientist, yet I water them everyday day. That's how my recovery grows too.

  25. What an AWESOME garden, Syd! Pure heaven! My husband built me a really nice one a few years ago but it's really our only spot in the yard that gets enough sun for it. Even though it is raised we had to put a wire fence around it since the woodchucks and all sorts of critters like to build their homes under our shed next to it. I've been having neck/back problems so I bought my green beans already started but they look very thin. I usually have great luck just planting the bean right in the ground. I guess I should have stuck with that. Nothing better than fresh grean beans! We don't have much luck with large tomatoes. Too short of a season and not enough sun but the grape and cherry do well. Gave up on carrots....way too tiny and they take forever. I've been planting more herbs. So nice to cook fresh! Enjoy!

  26. shut.up.


    I am so green with envy.

    Get it.."green" ?

    You have a lovely garden..
    Al-Anon works wonders huh?




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