Today I awoke to peaceful rain coming down. It was pouring when I left to go to the noon meeting. There weren't many people there today but it was still good. There really aren't too many bad meetings that I've attended.
After the meeting, I left to meet up with a couple of sponsees. One of the fellows is working on Step Nine. He is doing well and has put a lot of energy into working on recovery. He is going through a rough time right now with his marriage and is holding on for dear life to this raft of recovery. Amazing how we can float to quiet waters by using the tools of the program.
The other sponsee has had a lot of excuses lately. For some it takes some time to get honest and to really want to do the work once the pain of living with active alcoholism has been removed. All anyone wants initially is to feel better. Sometimes feeling better can be like removing a splinter from under our skin--I think that the immediate solution is great because the pain is gone, but there still may be some infection that I need to take care of.
When we first come to Al-Anon, the alcoholic is seen as the immediate source of pain. I, like many others, focused anger and frustration on her. But I came to see that I needed to look at myself and my attitudes. What were my motives for staying in a bad situation? Who was making me accept unacceptable behavior? I had to work to change my attitude. And in doing so I learned about my own self-worth and grew spiritually. The emphasis eventually was lifted from the alcoholic and placed where it needed to be--on me.
Al-Anon has been like a salve that I put on my wounded spirit. I am glad that I got the full treatment. As it's read in a meeting: "Living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us. Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it". I may not be cured but at least for now I am on the road to recovery.