My wife celebrates four years of sobriety today. Last night, they had a cake for her and a card at one of the meetings she attends. Her sponsor gave her the four year chip and she told her story. Tonight she is going to her home group meeting. And she is making peach ice cream to take. C. cooks for this meeting every week and tonight is no exception.
It is hard to believe that it has been four years of sober recovery. We have eased into a good life together where there isn't the anger and where we focus on the good things that are happening each day. We don't go back over the old agonies of regret that once plagued us. We don't go back into the "what if's" anymore. I believe that both of us can look back now on the years before recovery and see them as a way of life that was chaotic, unhappy, and generally not very livable. But we don't talk of regrets anymore. Maybe those years are just a reminder of what it would be like again if we become careless or complacent.
We both know that we can't undo all those terrible things that were said and done before. We hurt each other under the deluded guise that alcohol created. She pushed and I pulled. We weren't going anywhere with the tug of war of emotions in the relationship. We thought that we loved each other but it wasn't the right kind of love. We actually didn't know how to have a relationship. I thought that it was about pouring "enough" love into the relationship. But that love had a lot of expectations tied to it. Now we are beginning to see that "right" love and all kind of other "right" things are available through being in recovery.