Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Four years sober

My wife celebrates four years of sobriety today. Last night, they had a cake for her and a card at one of the meetings she attends. Her sponsor gave her the four year chip and she told her story. Tonight she is going to her home group meeting. And she is making peach ice cream to take.  C. cooks for this meeting every week and tonight is no exception.

It is hard to believe that it has been four years of sober recovery.  We have eased into a good life together where there isn't the anger and where we focus on the good things that are happening each day. We don't go back over the old agonies of regret that once plagued us. We don't go back into the "what if's" anymore. I believe that both of us can look back now on the years before recovery and see them as a way of life that was chaotic, unhappy, and generally not very livable. But we don't talk of regrets anymore. Maybe those years are just a reminder of what it would be like again if we become careless or complacent.

We both know that we can't undo all those terrible things that were said and done before. We hurt each other under the deluded guise that alcohol created. She pushed and I pulled. We weren't going anywhere with the tug of war of emotions in the relationship. We thought that we loved each other but it wasn't the right kind of love. We actually didn't know how to have a relationship.  I thought that it was about pouring "enough" love into the relationship.  But that love had a lot of expectations tied to it.  Now we are beginning to see that "right" love and all kind of other "right" things are available through being in recovery.

We don't talk about the past. It's not a place to dwell. I live for this day and treat those around me with respect and love. I think that will create a good past now and one that I won't regret.

29 comments:

  1. Congratulations to her and to you.

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  2. Congratulations to C.! That's quite an accomplishment.

    Love,

    SB

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  3. I am astounded that your wife has "just" four years sober and it has made so much difference!
    Gives me a message of hope and disappointment; my mom could do, with her disease, in four years; what she has not done in nearly seventy seven.

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  4. Beautiful. Where my daughter goes to meetings, they give you a silver dollar on your first birthday and then put a hole in it for every other birthday. It's solid and real to hold in your hand to remember what you have accomplished.
    And you two have accomplished a lot.

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  5. What a wonderful post and a reminder to all of us that there is hope in recovery. Congratulations to both of you, and especially to C on her accomplishment.

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  6. Happy Birthday to C. It is so wonderful that you guys are finding love the way God meant it to be thanks to the programs of AA and Al-Anon. God bless you both. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Congratulations to C. on her 4th, and to both of you for re-defining "love" and "relationship."

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  8. Jumping up and down,applauding and throwing confetti up in the air.Congrats on the years Sober!!!!

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  9. Congratulations to the both of you. I am with Smitty...I am surprised too that its "only" 4 years. I mean 4 years is a life time also...but you both seem so mature in your sobriety. Some good programs worked here. You are an encouragement to many Syd.

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  10. Congratulations is/are nice; however, my first reaction is "Thank God!"

    Be happy in the new life's recovery. It's good to hear your joy spilling out in your words.

    Love and hugs,
    Anonymous #1

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  11. Your wife's four year AA anniversary is a miracle, a blessing and is certainly something wonderful to celebrate.

    Homemade peach ice cream? Yum! Sounds terrific.

    God has richly blessed both of you.

    PG

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  12. Congratulations to the both of you and thank you for sharing hope in your writings.

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  13. You both have come a long way. Best wishes to C on her four years sober.

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  14. wow. that is awesome. congrats to her and congrats to you too!

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  15. Congratulations to C and her higher power with whom all this is possible! I touched her coin on my computer screen and blessed it, asking for her journey to be a smooth one, and grateful that her life is filled with a wonderful husband named Syd! Congratulations to you both....

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  16. congratulations to both of you...and to how far you have come...that is a testament o love itself...

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  17. This is wonderful! I love how you ended the post with focusing on the present. It really is so important to do that.

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  18. Good for you for living in the present, as if it were, well, a present. I didn't realize how young she is, congrats.

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  19. Awesome! Congratulations to both you and your wife! : )

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  20. Congratulations to C and to both of you on the changes recovery makes possible.

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  21. That is wonderful to hear and the story of your lives is an inspiration.

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  22. Congratulations to your wife & thank you for sharing!

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  23. Wonderful! Happy Birthday to both of you.

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  24. It is always good to read stories about success. Congrats to your wife and I wish you many happy years together! Thanks for sharing!

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  25. yay four years!!! congratulations to both of you :)

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  26. Yessss! God DOES do things for us...if we let Him. "God could and would if He were sought"...not "CAUGHT"!

    Without Alanon, today would not be happening, for MANY of us. I am believing it is a far more relevant program for living that the AA program.

    AA, way of life.
    Alanon, LIVING life.
    Arguable, yes, but it is "As Steve Sees It"--grin!

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  27. Amazing. Wonderful. 4 years!! I didn't know. Good for C. :)
    She must have been keeping busy at getting well to have made it this far. Very happy for you both. :)
    It seemed to me right from the start that you both shared a special love for each other, and I am very glad that you were able to salvage that from the wreckage that alcoholism creates, and build the relationship you have now. Kudos to you both.

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  28. I learn so much from you. "we don't talk of regrets anymore. Maybe those years are just a reminder of what it would be like again if we become careless or complacent." ... This helped me today. It's always great to hear about someone, like C., reaching a milestone... It was also great to hear you talk about not focusing on regrets. It shows you've forgiven yourselves. This touches me today... thanks, Syd... --G

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  29. this is inspiring... that you are still married and now four years into a new sober life together. COngrats to C, thanks be to God and congrats to you as well Syd!

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