Friday, August 13, 2010

Fourth anniversary



Today is my fourth anniversary in Al-Anon. It is hard for me to remember exactly how I felt during the months prior to coming in. I know that I was very confused, angry and had no idea what I was doing in my marriage. I wanted out, felt trapped, and had no regard for her or me. It was the lowest point in my life.

Today, I have a hard time not finding love, compassion and hope each day. The terrible chains of alcoholism that were dragging me deeper and deeper into the depths of despair have been shed. I feel that I am truly living, whereas before I was just existing.

I owe a lot to this program of recovery. I walked through the door for the first time scared, confused and alone. I walk into the rooms now feeling comfortable and at home. It isn't that every day is wonderful or that I never have sad feelings. I do because I am only human. But now I know what to do. I understand what I am feeling and how to let the feelings go. I can turn the fears and the people who concern me over to my Higher Power. It is truly a powerful thing to not obsess over another or harbor resentment. It is true freedom from that person I used to be.

So today I am filled with much gratitude for God's grace that let me hear the message and brought so many good people into my life. I am thankful for my wonderful sponsor who has been there for me through it all, my friends both in Al-Anon and AA who care about me, and all of you who I have not met but who come here to share your thoughts and from whom I learn something every day. Bless you and thank you.

37 comments:

  1. Four years in recovery is a blessing for sure! I know you are grateful for learning some tools to work on your recovery. Blessings to you and your wife for the life you both have worked hard to achieve.

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  2. Congratulations! I have only been in Al-Anon since last October. You were the first blog I found because I googled F.I.N.E. That is how I felt after coming home from a family weekend for my son. Through you I have many other wonderful bloggers. Thank you for you open, honest sharing.
    Someone said recently that when she came into these rooms that the hoped for magic wand did not change her world. What changed was her perspective. Bad things still happen it's just not the end of the world as it once was. Thanks for your caring voice out there that I can read any time. I also love your pictures and love of the wind and water. God bless.

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  3. I hear some great things in Al-Anon. Today I hear we don't celebrate birthdays because we relapse every day. It's a program that we work in the moment. I also hear that the only way an Al-Anon can relapse is to kill their partner. Both are funny to me because they hold some truth. Dear Syd, you have become a dear friend because of your commitment to our friendship. I know this would never be if you did not have a commitment to yourself. Thank you for sharing your recovery, especially on line which is a daily inspiration for me.

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  4. Your self-assured tone about truly letting go and trusting you HP is sooooo hopeful and so ephemeral at the same time. I look forward to that moment when I can actually FEEL it sliding over me, no matter how fleeting. Best to you and thanks for your words.

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  5. Happy birthday, Syd. Your recovery shines so bright and so strong, and Im very happy for the peace and serenity you have and you share with all of us.

    Keep on keeping on. :)

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  6. xo I'm so grateful you share your Al-Anon journey with us,Syd.Happy 4th anniversary ;)

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  7. great job syd...four years is amazing and i look forward to hearing many more...

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  8. I loved reading about your anniversary. Only four years and so much perspective and peace. You are part of my recovery Syd, and I am always grateful that you share so much of your life here. Your river is deep and wide, it allows such honesty and carries us onwards to hope.

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  9. Congratulations! I have gleaned so much from your words of wisdom on your blog. It is truly a blessing in my life. Thank you for all of your heartfelt posts.

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  10. Congratulations, Syd. That's good work. Your message of hope and gratitude struck home with me. continued peace and blessings to you!

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  11. Congratulations on your 4th Anniversary! Not only has Al-Anon helped you and your wife but more, it's been your ability to pass it on and help others.

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  12. Thank you for sharing your hope with those of us who are newbies. Your posts are part of my daily readings and I always leave with something good.

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  13. Thank you Syd for all your experience strength and hope you share in your blog.

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  14. Congratulations Syd...you sound very happy and content and you should be very proud!

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  15. Aha! Eureka! Wow! Yaaaay! Loved hearing you say - in so many words - that your time in Al-Anon helped you accept that you truly are a wonderful person. Well now, at the risk of using 'you' too many times, I must add that I, too, had to learn through the steps and other tools that I WAS NOT WORTHLESS - - - and that I deserved to be the person I was before I assumed so many other roles that were not mine at all. I learned that the 'me' that existed before the dysfunction set in was a really neat person to know and love. I sense you have experienced the same feelings.

    Congratulations!

    Hugs and love,
    Anonymous #1

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  16. Happy Birthday, Syd. I am so glad you found the place to recover in, to have been led to the place you belonged.

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  17. Congrats Dude!!!!The world became a better place 4 years ago.

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  18. Happy birthday! and many more (daily reprieves)..... <3

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  19. Four years! Four life changing years for you - and for many people who have come in contact with you because of your program. You are such an inspiring example of how a person can change, get hope, and give back what they are getting. Congrats Syd :)

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  20. Congratulations on your 4th anniversary. What a blessing.

    You have obviously gained so much in those 4 years. You help a lot of people here in the blog world.

    I am sure God will continue to bless you.

    PG

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  21. You seem like such an "old timer!" I can't believe its only 4 years. You are so mature. :o) Many blessings Syd!

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  22. Congratulations on four years in recovery Syd!

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  23. Congratulations and what a lovely post. I'm happy for you!

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  24. Happy Birthday Syd. I think you have been blogging that long, haven't you?

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  25. now if this isn't an honest, heartfelt "info-mercial" for al-anon, then I'll eat my hat!

    Syd, congrats on your own recovery and that of your wife as well. It never ceases to amaze me, that works HP can do through the Steps and fellowship of our blesses programs of recovery if we merely follow directions.

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  26. Thank you for sharing. It's almost precisely how I felt on my first day.

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  27. congratulations on four years! I will be celebrating two years in CoDA in a few days. It has made a world of difference in my life, as well.

    Also - the first edition of the SteppersWisdom Blog Carnival was posted today. Look at it if you have time, and please consider submitting a post for the next edition.
    http://stepperswisdom.blogspot.com/

    This is completely a non-profit e-zine, posted to bring information and hope to those who are searching for answers.

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  28. Congrats on your 4 years, Syd. I am so grateful you share your thoughts with us.

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  29. 4 years, how wonderful! Going from "just existing" to "living" is a true blessing.

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  30. Just dropped by here while reading...
    Congratulations!Its good to see so much peace and calmness in your writing.
    It's not easy to write exactly how you feel, you need guts and I highly appreciate that!:)
    God Bless!

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  31. I was away on retreat without internet access so could not comment earlier :)
    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
    hehe
    Well thanks for carrying the message so beautifully and consistently for these four years. You are part of the Al Anon blogsphere furniture :) I am ! amazed you manage to write so regularly given that you have such a full life. The dogged capacity for academic training is apparent in your persistent writing.
    Anyway, its ! great. What I like most is how soon after your wife picked up the tools of recovery. :)
    You've covered a lot of ground in four years and long may it continue, a day at a time.

    yaaay. Hope you guys had a great day :)

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  32. *Dude*.

    Thank *you*.

    Peace to you.

    Wonderful message.

    Peace to you.

    Thank *you*.

    *Syd*

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