Monday, August 30, 2010

I don't want to be all things to all people

I have been attending a study group that is currently focusing on the traditions.  We finished up Tradition five last week: Al-Anon has but one purpose to help families and friends of alcoholics. It really states our singleness of purpose in the program. But what struck me though was the idea that I can't be all things to all people.

The reading says " My primary concern is and must be my personal recovery. I cannot give to someone else something that I don't have." How true that is and it's something that I have only put into practice since being in the program.

I used to try to do everything that was asked of me. And then I would volunteer for more. If someone had expectations of me, then I tried to fulfill them. Now I know that I was running myself down trying to do what others wanted me to do. I was trying to be all things to all people and neglecting who I was.

Now I decide what I want to do and don't try to cram too much into one day. If I don't accomplish what I need to do in this day, then hopefully with the grace of my HP there will be another day coming. I don't get swamped in guilt to do the bidding of others. I show up for my meetings. I am there when I tell someone that I will be.  And I am here to do what I can to be a member of this household and take care of things in partnership here.

What's important is that what I do now, I do because it feels right. The demands made by others of my free time are not compelling reasons for me to lose my serenity. I can make choices to limit the things that I want to do.  And what a luxury that is these days.  I am finding many ways to spend my time on those things that I have dreamed about for years.  And for the most part, I am enjoying every moment.
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16 comments:

  1. dAAveAugust 30, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    I love the ability to stay busy in retirement.

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  2. VJAugust 30, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    Syd,

    That was truly a wonderful post and I only pray that we all can find our path to peace and serenity.

    Blessings,

    VJ

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  3. marieAugust 30, 2010 at 12:22 PM

    This is a great lesson that I learn in Al-Anon, too. I find it is hardest to practice with my kids who demand so much from their parents. My sponsor has to constantly remind me that I am the parent, not them. Fear and guilt convince me to let them run the show/call the shots. It's a hard balance to maintain, but doable with my Higher Power's help.

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  4. Di-GitAugust 30, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    My recovery comes first and all else follows. This is important for me to remember on a daily basis. Some days I forget and put friends, work and family above my spiritual needs. What happens next is no mystery resentments, loneliness and a host of others come back and set their place at my dinner table. Yep that's about how it all unfolds at my place.

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  5. Brian MillerAugust 30, 2010 at 12:42 PM

    that is a very freeing way to look at life...

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  6. An Irish Friend of BillAugust 30, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    very glad you do not buckle under peer pressure and instead do what makes sense to you. trying to please everyone is doomed as someone always objects anyway !

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  7. drybottomgirlAugust 30, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    Realizing and having the ability to take care of oneself is an amazing gift....nice post!

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  8. LesleyAugust 30, 2010 at 4:31 PM

    So true Syd. We have to love and nurture ourselves primarily. Our own happiness is very important..... and happiness is contagious. :)

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  9. SandraAugust 30, 2010 at 8:11 PM

    This is something I'm trying to learn now.
    I hope your days and your journey are blessed.

    -Sandra

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  10. Ms. MoonAugust 30, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    Hell yes! (Sorry. That was a bit rude but heartfelt.)

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  11. TAAAFAugust 30, 2010 at 10:56 PM

    "..what I do now, I do because it feels right."
    Isn't that a great change from doing what we do because our emotions or fears drove us to it?

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  12. the walking manAugust 31, 2010 at 4:17 AM

    In most cases when someone has expectations that require you to give, then it is because you have already given so much that they are now trained to expect that you will always give them what they ask for. and when you refuse their demand they know that a little bit of drama will get you to relent.

    For your serenity learn that two letter word N O

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  13. Mary LAAugust 31, 2010 at 5:45 AM

    Claiming one's own space is so important.

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  14. GinnieAugust 31, 2010 at 8:51 AM

    Once again you've written beautifully about a tough subject. It is so freeing to stop being a people pleaser and I also learned that I was doing all their bidding to get the spotlight off me.

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  15. Scott M. FreyAugust 31, 2010 at 10:41 AM

    This is right on point with what our marraige counselor suggested to us. Focus on our own issues and programs, and try not to let the other person get us upset. Easier said than done lol But it's working!

    Thanks Syd.

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  16. CiCiAugust 31, 2010 at 4:03 PM

    I knew you would begin to accept retirement and even really like it and here you are. I am so glad for you.

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