Friday, September 3, 2010
The God of my Understanding
I read yesterday that reknowned physicist Stephen Hawking said that God had no role in the creation of the universe. In his new book "The Grand Design," he says that given the existence of gravity, "the universe can and will create itself from nothing." My first thought was that perhaps gravity is his Higher Power.
That's the wonder of this program--that I can have a God of my understanding that can be whatever is greater than I. And that covers a lot of things, including gravity and many other forces of nature.
Before Al-Anon, my Higher Power happened to be whoever I was in love with at the time. I would spend most of my time thinking about that person. That continued until there was irrefutable evidence that another person being my Higher Power was just not going to work. For one thing, there wasn't any unconditional love coming from people. Eventually, even my parents couldn't give me that. And relying on another person for my happiness turned out to be a big fiasco. So I was left in disbelief and a whole lot of doubt.
When I worked Steps Two and Three, the God of my understanding started out being the Al-Anon group itself. I could see their collective wisdom for a long time, until I began to see that they too struggled. I now have focused more on my HP as being a force of energy that encompasses all of those who are with me now and all those who have come before. This "composite" spiritual being gently nurtures me and loves me regardless of my character defects. It is now a trust that I have and a confidence that no matter how bad things are, my HP that is something greater than me, will see me through.
I feel closest to my HP when I'm near the water and watch the waves and might of the ocean. Even though there can be confused seas and turbulent times, there is an eternal rhythm to the waves given by the tides. Our lives will also ebb and flow but the HP will be there to keep us in rhythm.