Saturday, September 4, 2010

The great divide

He was looking forward to the party and meeting some of her friends. There weren't many opportunities to socialize in this small town. He also was so happy to be with her, pleased to be included in her circle of friends.

They arrived at the party and people greeted her. She didn't bother introducing him. He thought that perhaps this was just an oversight. After all, she hadn't seen some of these people in a while.

So he wandered off to meet people on his own. He stuck his hand out and told people his name, saying how nice it was to meet them. Eventually, he wandered back to where she stood, talking to a fellow that he hadn't met yet. He stood nearby, waiting awkwardly to be introduced. Finally, during a break in the conversation, he introduced himself. The other fellow looked at her and said "Are you two an item?" She quickly said "No" with such finality that he felt his heart shrink and shrivel in his chest.

The other fellow looked perplexed and cast his eyes down. She went on talking, ignoring the one she came with. He stood there awkwardly, hardly able to breathe.

Finally, he knew that he would not fit into her world. He was discarded just as surely as yesterday's garbage. He understood at last that a vast divide stood between them, a deep schism of the psyche that his love could not bridge. He turned to her and said "I am going now" and walked out the door to start his long walk home.

Note: This event actually happened although the details have been left unspecific. It reminds me how difficult it is to love someone who doesn't understand the concept, except as it applies to themselves. Narcissistic and alcoholic to the end, the divide will only widen until one of them is completely lost.


  1. i used to be her. i would do it before it was done to me. i felt unworthy so i wanted others to feel the same shame i did.
    i am so grateful that is not who i am today.

  2. You could have been describing my ex and I. I can't tell you how many times I had to say, "Are you going to introduce me?"


  3. Oooh. Sucks. I'm here to tell you I wouldn't tolerate that shit for five minutes.

  4. whew. i could so see this happening and it did not feel good at all...i would have escaped as well...

  5. This post certainly has the power to open old wounds. On the other hand, it can also just be a reminder not to wander down that road again.

    Thanks Syd.


  6. This hit a nerve with me.Many actually.Years later.I still feel that twinge of resentment when I think back to the selfishness of the alcoholics and addicts in my life.I've often read jokes between peeps in recovery when they identify the all about me traits.I can only hope that anyone who reads this understands the power of detachment so we can all learn to let go of resentments,etc.It's amazing how your blog hits me sometimes Syd.I guess because I don't do meetings and you are pretty much my only Al-Anon buddy.
    Love you tons,in a blogger buddy kind of way.Thank you for sharing.

  7. The details don't have to be specific to get the impact of this story. So multi-layered, it's what I've done, and still do on some levels. It's what I allow myself to participate in, and how today I can learn to see my part sooner. Great writing.

  8. A F.I.N.E. Post Syd. Great message reminding us/me how I I am...and how I SHOULD behave.

  9. This post brings back memories and feelings. We both victimized and then became the victimizer in our relationship. It was so painful but familiar and it kept our relationship alive. This is what got me into recovery bottoming out on many levels.

  10. Im glad to say I don't recall either acting this way or being treated in this way. But Im sure if I looked on a more subtle level i would find similarities. Most faults are a question of degree.
    There could be many reasons for such behavior, social ineptitude, superiority, misreading the situation, or game playing. Doesn't sound good whichever way though.

  11. I remember that feeling too, the feeling of worlds divided, the feeling that I wanted to be a couple not two singular entities in the same room.

    The feeling of separation that happens when I'm aligned with expectations of how things should be, with what I so desperately though should be.

    I hate the feeling of being alone in a crowd, it's the most desperately awful feeling in the world.

  12. ouch!, thankfully, I've not done that to anyone, nor have I been the victim of such an abrupt casting aside!


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