Wednesday, September 1, 2010
A new day
The headache went away but the medication made me feel as if I were having an out of body experience. I suppose lots of people like that feeling, but I don't. I want to be present and not feeling dopey. I am grateful that I don't have a penchant for booze or drugs.
By all rights of genetic roulette, I have done well. I am thankfully not alcoholic which could have been inherited from my father's side of the family. His sister and her daughter died from alcoholism. I remember vacations with that side of the family, and there was always a lot of drinking. Happy hour started around noon and would continue into the night. I can remember my father being in his cups and crying about some family drama that created a schism between him and another sister. Alcoholism caused a lot of drama that made me ill at ease from childhood on.
Thus far, I have also escaped the debilitating depression that my mother, her sister, and my grandfather had. All of them had a terrible time with a depression so deep that it required hospitalizations and ECT. I didn't have a clue about my mother until she had a major break. And she struggled with depression for the rest of her life. Her sister basically isolated herself from middle age on. My grandfather was a kind, quiet man who was wonderful to me. Yet all of them were overcome by the darkness of depression.
I marvel that somehow I have thus far made it through life without these illnesses. Every time I have a day like yesterday, I am reminded just how lucky I am. And today is fresh and new. I am looking forward to planting some seeds in the garden, working on the boat a bit, and rowing tonight. I prefer to have a day with some purpose and intent. Even if it means that I accomplish one small thing, I find that rewarding. Life is often about the little things. And that's okay with me.