Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A new day

I feel much better today.  Yesterday was a lost cause.  I woke up with a pounding headache, eventually took some sinus medication, and then slept for four hours.  I canceled lunch and dinner with sponsees and did not make it to my meetings.

The headache went away but the medication made me feel as if I were having an out of body experience.  I suppose lots of people like that feeling, but I don't.  I want to be present and not feeling dopey.  I am grateful that I don't have a penchant for booze or drugs.

By all rights of genetic roulette, I have done well.  I am thankfully not alcoholic which could have been inherited from my father's side of the family.  His sister and her daughter died from alcoholism.  I remember vacations with that side of the family, and there was always a lot of drinking.  Happy hour started around noon and would continue into the night.  I can remember my father being in his cups and crying about some family drama that created a schism between him and another sister. Alcoholism caused a lot of drama that made me ill at ease from childhood on.

Thus far, I have also escaped the debilitating depression that my mother, her sister, and my grandfather had.  All of them had a terrible time with a depression so deep that it required hospitalizations and ECT.  I didn't have a clue about my mother until she had a major break.  And she struggled with depression for the rest of her life. Her sister basically isolated herself from middle age on.  My grandfather was a kind, quiet man who was wonderful to me. Yet all of them were overcome by the darkness of depression.  

I marvel that somehow I have thus far made it through life without these illnesses.  Every time I have a day like yesterday, I am reminded just how lucky I am.  And today is fresh and new.  I am looking forward to planting some seeds in the garden, working on the boat a bit, and rowing tonight.  I prefer to have a day with some purpose and intent.  Even if it means that I accomplish one small thing,  I find that rewarding.  Life is often about the little things. And that's okay with me.

16 comments:

  1. Syd,I'm sorry to hear that you you had such a bad day yesterday.I can so relate to haveing bad days.

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  2. glad you are feeling much better today syd...life is about the little things..though i would say a few of those blessing are rather big...

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  3. Oh so glad your sinus headache is gone today. The way you describe your family sounds like the way my older daughter describes our family. From way back and even to my younger daughter. My older daughter works with her own daughter and that granddaughter has been in therapy for years, just like my younger daughter. Best wishes to you for a wonderful day without sinus pain.

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  4. I think it is the little things which matter. They add up. They are the blessings.

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  5. Good to hear you are feeling better.

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  6. Syd,
    My grandfather was alcoholic and depressed. I think if they had had antidepressants readily available back then, my grandmother would have had a much happier life.

    My great grandfather and great uncle on the other side were also alcoholics and likely depressed.

    Sadly, I enjoy drinking (can go a night or two without, thank God, and am guessing I am a technically a functional alcoholic), and I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. It's likely only my capacity for friendship which has saved me.

    You are indeed a fortunate man, and I am glad for you.

    Love,

    SB

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  7. I always hated feeling dopey or like I was out of my body. It was one of the reasons I hated drinking. Weird that I ended up an alcoholic anyway.

    PG

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  8. glad to hear your gratitude. i am grateful you are feeling better. i am also glad you made it out alive, that is what i think of when i read a bit of your story here. i also read a bit of mine.

    i got out, barely, my brothers and sisters still live the life we had so many years ago. the internal torment the denial the sadness of it all. i am getting through with the program and some really heavy therapy. some of the facts that come to light, i can't even share with them, and they were there, but the refuse to believe that my sainted father ever did anything wrong.

    it would just be nice to see them get better, but all i can do is work on me.

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  9. you are lucky to have escaped alcoholism and depression. i have both. It's tough. I am glad you are feeling better today.

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  10. Sinus headaches are horrible. I am glad you took care of yourself and rested. I suffer from migraines which put me to bed for a full day. Glad we have today without pain.

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  11. Glad that you are feeling better today Syd. As you say, you are a lucky man and you are wise too, as you appreciate your blessings. Enjoy planting in the garden. It is a beautiful morning here in England and I plan to spend the day working in the garden as well.

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  12. glad ur feeling better :)

    btw I was just looking up where in the world i cld attend retreats or talks by lama Zopa Rinpoche, and found this place. zopa is teaching there in sept. i think he looks very cool. my cup of tea. he seems to visit the us quite a lot by the looks of things. I rate him, for what its wotth.

    Kadampa Center, Raleigh, USA
    11 - Teachings on Shakyamuni Buddha’s mantra and the Four Immeasurables
    12-25 Teachings on Light of the Path - Registration now open

    http://www.fpmt.org/teachers/zopa/schedule.php
    http://www.kadampa-center.org/about/teachers.php

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  13. http://www.maitreyaproject.org/en/relic/calendar.html

    and i ? reckon you wld !!!! love this free event as it tours the states as well. i am attending it when it passes through europe.

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  14. I get those headaches far too often, I know what you were feeling, glad you're better!

    Our family is laden with alcoholics and addicts as well, and I got my share of that mess lol. But, one good thing from all of that is that because of that mess I was led to AA and am now recovering.

    I hope Earl doesn't give you any trouble this week! Take care!

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  15. I hate that dopey feeling too. I guess that is why I am not an addict.

    Booze however, now THAT was the golden elixer of life! And therein lies my problem.

    Glad you are feeling better.

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