I had lunch with a sponsee today. He lives in an old kitchen house downtown. It's an adventure to go through the flooded streets of the city during a heavy rain. The city was built on marsh that was filled with garbage. Consequently, drainage is poor. Water floods cars on a regular basis. And the flooding fuels much discussion about getting a better drainage system. But mostly people just slog through the water.
I got to his place without incident, avoiding the worst flooded areas. When I arrived, his cat was enjoying the view from the window sill.
We had a great lunch as he is a good cook. We caught up on our lives. He decided after finishing the steps that going to meetings wasn't his thing. I knew after he completed Step Twelve that it was unlikely he would darken the door of a meeting again. He seems content though, attributing his peace to the program. He broke off a contentious relationship that fueled his co-dependency and is no longer obsessing over the person. He admitted that he could not have let go of an unhealthy relationship without first getting himself to a better place through the steps. It is good that we can get together and not have aspects of the program be a point of disagreement.
He gave me the card above with a note of appreciation. The message on the card has a lot of meaning for me. It reminds me of the seemingly uncharted territory when one starts in recovery. With faith one moves to discover a new way of living. And in the process finds that what once seemed uncharted was clearly marked by those who came before.
...and we will meet you as you trudge the road of happy destiny."
ReplyDeleteIn the USCGA Boating Course I recall being told to never leave the dock without my charts (Big Book?) and I DON'T.
Good post and reminder, Syd.
When I became willing to let go, jump out into the void and lose sight of what I was familiar with, then I began to recover.
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I am intrigued with the fact that you have a sponsee that decided meeting were not for him, once he had done the steps. Very interesting, because for me, the meetings I attend in Al-anon ARE the meat of my program. Yet in EA, where I am one of the founding members of our small local chapter, I feel that my program is largely one that I do online.
ReplyDeleteI am sponsee to a person who has never gone regularly to meetings in the area where she lives. We have only met once, and for this past year we have only spoken by phone. She credits my work with her as being responsible for her peace of mind.
As for myself and the group I primarily identify with, I would dare say, if I were to judge my EA program on the face-to-face fellowship, I would quit it too! Don't get me wrong. I think my sponsees and service are what save me. I don't feel like the face-to-face meetings fill me, and maybe it is largely because I am an oldtimer and have expectations of how the program should be done! Ah it feels good to be honest.
and i imagine it is good to have one along for the ride that has been there...nice.
ReplyDeleteNothing witty or brilliant to say, just that I really like this post and appreciate that you're able to see things and talk about them in the way that you do, in a way that so many others can relate to...
ReplyDeleteWe have to find the way that suits us best and it's nice that your sponsee had you for guidance.
ReplyDeleteI love the photograph - beautiful cat on a lovely windowsill with sash window. Gorgeous!
i didn't do the step or the programme, but i do know, that with the passage of time, and the practicing of healthy behaviour, after a period of time when i thought i'd never be normal or fit in anywhere again, suddenly it felt like the world clicked into place, and damn, it's a magical place after all...
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Syd! And I love that quote at the top... I've come across it a few times lately and I'm starting to think it's a sign...
ReplyDeleteOccasionally I drift back toeards the coast but when it appears on the horizon I know I am headed in the wrong direction....again.
ReplyDeleteWe pay it forward without any idea how it may be paid forward from there don't we? Sometimes I get those old dis-eased thoughts that the world isn't exactly as it should be (that everything isn't in Gods control because >>> is out of place in the program). I forget that while this program is a blessing and a commitment for some, for others who receive, they may not give here... but if I open my mind the possibilities, they may continue to give of themselves outside the rooms always. After all there are many who say, well my friend said he went to AA/Alanon years ago and it helped him tremendously... and then there's that lady who came in last week and said, she hadn't been to meetings in years but when she ran across this real alcoholic sitting next to her that day, she knew just where to bring her.
ReplyDeleteMy old sponsor says, there are some who stand at the gates of hell and are willing to throw people through the door, and there are those who stand at the doors of the rooms and sit in the seats willing to catch them and teach them how to go back out to stand at the gates to reach out.
When we don't try to control what that looks like God grows exponentially in all areas of the world and humanity.
Its not about the program anyway in the end, its about a connection to God that is maintained through spiritual growth, who am I to put a wall or constraints on how others can grow spiritually?
for me, I never fail to continue to grow spiritually by practicing the principles found in this particular program. Why would I quit something that doesn't fail? I like success.
You reflect this really really well today Syd!
Wow. I feel a lot of peace in this post, Syd.
ReplyDeleteI commend you in your supporting him in his decisions. Too many people avoid getting any help at all because they find the meeting concept daunting. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI love this post, Syd. I also enjoyed the photo of the cat, sitting looking out the nice wide old window.
ReplyDeleteLove,
SB
Trust your HP, Your program, your sponsor, and set sail.....
ReplyDeleteA few years back I convinced a friend of mine to start attending meetings with me. I hadn't been in many years myself and felt like I could make the time again. It turns out the timing was perfect because the long term relationship I was in ended suddenly. I arrived just in time. I love the steps and even when I wasn't attending meeting they were ingrained in my soul. My friend stopped going after a year because she felt better and didn't want to be dependant on something outside herself. I was sad but I have learned to mind my own business. This was the hardest thing for me to get in the beginning. I did have all the answers. If I was so right about everything why did my life suck. Everything in Al-Anon is suggested not forced. I am naturally controlling and accepting others have to make decisions for themselves is still hard. When I want to but in I remember that nobody tells me what to do so and that is how I keep myself in check. If someone ask for my opinion then I will give it, just once. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful too that my disagreements with friends in the program does not become the basis of the relationship. We can agree to disagree. That I learned from Al-Anon.
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