I went against my usual precautionary nature, taking the exam early with several others at the urging of the Instructor. I know that I passed, but also got several wrong. Usually, I would study so as to get a perfect score. Strangely enough, I just wanted to be done with the course so that I would have this weekend free.
I don't know whether this change in attitude is good or not, but I feel elated to not have the millstone around my neck.
The large voice of the old me was saying to study and get a perfect score. The small voice within was saying for me to get it over with and not worry about perfection. I chose to listen to the voice that would bring me peace of mind.
At the district meeting today, I ended my term as GR for my home group. I am glad to have served but also glad to turn over this service to others. The large voice of the old me says, "Stick around and do something else at the administrative level." The small voice tells me that being involved in the administration of an organization will not enhance my serenity. I have done that kind of work in my career and inevitably ego and self-will come out.
I believe that the small voice within is that of my Higher Power. It is a voice that I have ignored for much of my life in favor of the booming ego telling me that I can handle all difficulties, that I am strong, and that I can make things better by sheer force of will.
I am glad to be able to let go of perfection, stop trying to solve all problems, and quit denying myself the things that bring me joy. That is a big revelation.