I have caught up on quite a few blogs today. Every one that I have read has felt sad to me. People have written about loss of loved ones, painful worries about the alcoholics and addicts in their lives, trying to work through depression and expectations. I feel overwhelmed with all that I have read.
Generally, when I read what you have written, I am looking for the solution. I know what the problems are because I have had them, lived them, and see them all around me. But the solution is the elusive thing that I seek. I grasp it like a life ring on some days. I know what to do, yet there are times, like tonight, that I simply feel less sure about myself and those I love.
This may be the post Christmas let down. I know that all the lights and nice decorations will be taken down this weekend. The house returns to a less glittery state. There won't be any candles in the windows and no smell of evergreen inside. The mantles will be undressed of their fruits and boughs of holly. It reminds me of a fine lady taking off her jewels and party dress to put on a robe with slippers.
In fact, looking back on the old year that most are so happy to be rid of, I see that it has had its moments of good times, bad times, sad times, and joyous times just like every year I can remember. I lost friends, made friends, loved people, disliked those same people I loved, and dealt with each day by trying to find a positive solution to whatever baffled me.
So tonight I am using gratitude to get out of this sad state of mind. I have had a good day: went to the boat, later took a long nap in front of the fire, and woke up in time to fix a little dinner for us. I have much to be grateful for. I could list a hundred things that are wonderful. So tonight before I sleep, I am going to thank the God of my understanding for allowing me to come this far today and ask for guidance for tomorrow, to do God's will whatever that may be. I will pray the Serenity Prayer and lie next to the one I love.
And maybe tomorrow this sad mood will be lifted. Regardless, I will let the feelings flow through me, knowing that sadness is just as much a part of the mind scape as joy.