Friday, March 18, 2011

On my way

I am heading out of state this morning for a brief overnight trip. This is something that was scheduled a while ago and that I committed to. Yesterday I was thinking that this is not a good time to be leaving, if only for a day. But I think that all will be okay.

I made arrangements for a friend to help out at home. C. is doing really well. Yet it is good to know someone can help her if she needs it. Tomorrow I will be not reachable by cell phone for much of the day. I want to know that she will be looked in on during that time.

My in-laws are in dire straights. When I brought my father-in-law home from the hospital, I knew that they would be needing help. He is incredibly stubborn about these things. But his wife is infirm and not able to do all that is needed to be done as he regains his strength. She is rapidly getting to the point where she won't be able to cook. And I am concerned about his continuing to drive at his advanced age and poor health.

It is difficult getting old and realizing that now there is a dependence on others. I have a fear about that as well. What we hope to do is assist them to stay in their home as long as possible. So when I get back, we will have a discussion with them about how we can all work together to see how this can best be effected. We hope that they will agree to having some in home help. I have so little experience with influencing what elderly people can do. I don't want to control the situation but at some point a situation becomes unsafe. I know that their health is now a worry for C. And at the moment she doesn't need to stress and worry. I also know that we can get through these difficult times together.
Sadly, I just learned from C. that her dad is back in the hospital. He needs to be rehydrated. I am feeling sad to not be there for them. Hopefully, I will get out of here tomorrow. Requesting your positive energy. Thank you.


  1. I know when my mother almost died and I saw how aged she and my father became before my eyes, I was terrified. Not only of losing them but realizing I was aging too. Transitions are so difficult and sometimes they seem to come all at once. I felt solely responsible for everyone's wellbeing but I realized later it was my attempt at trying to control life and my emotions.
    Aging isn't easy, at least for me it isn't. I don't care about the superficial part of aging. I care about the life changes that come with it.

  2. yeah i have that fear as well...and glad you feel secure enough to go now and that you have others to help you...asking for help is a sticky point for me...i am getting better...

  3. My 87 year old dad is taking care of my 72 year old stepmom who is suffering for a second bout with breast cancner, now in her spine. She is almost unable to walk at all, just to the bathroom with crutches. They are in Germany, and I have a hard time coping with it, being so far away. He does not drive anymore, but thankfully everything they need is within walking distance. The advantage of living in a small country.

  4. i know u hate control, but its ok to take the reins and be quite tough if u think the situation is a danger t those concerned. if their thinking or attitudes are a danger to themselves, then it is ok to not take no for an answer if they are befuddled, and likely to become injured if they persist. what i mean is its ok t put your foot down if you cannot be there to protect them otherwise and some form of help needs to be arranged. old people are stubborn, but you can be firm with them if they cannot take care of themselves and some help should be arranged, even if they don't really like the idea. well thats what I think. You feel worse when they are hospitalized due to accidents that occurred when they were without sufficient help.

    hope you are alright. its a difficult situation to manage by the sounds of it. good luck syd :)

  5. I'm sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I cared for an elderly relative for a few years. I found it a challenge to redefine the constantly shifting fine line between care-taking and enabling. You and your family are in my thoughts and I wish you well.

  6. Try not to worry, because there is nothing you can do at the moment and you will soon be home. Yes, it is a great worry for all concerned, especially while trying to support elderly relatives' independence, dignity and status within the family. Perhaps FIL's readmittance to hospital will bring home to them the wisdom of receiving some in-home support.

    You are doig a fantastic job, all will turn out as it is supposed to.

  7. Syd; You will do what is Good, what is right and what is Just. The Facts are there. We all wish for the Best.

  8. Positive energy with all my heart sent to your family members and yourself!

    Finding the balance between comforting others and carrying their burden of pain is difficult for us ACOAs. They are in the hands of their higher power now and since always, and that is a comfort for them and for you.

    Have started reading your blog over the past few months as I start my recovery in Al Anon, and have found nothing but constructive Al Anon- centered living, even when things are hard for you. Keep the Faith, you are truly inspiring!

  9. My thoughts are with you. Perhaps your in-laws would benefit from Meals on Wheels in the future.

  10. You may count on my energy, dear. AS you know.
    This is such a troubling situation and one we all face from all sides.


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