Today is a new day and a much better one than yesterday. I appreciate the comments that you gave. It helped me to realize that no matter how bad things may seem today, I have a chance to start over at any time. And that is what happened.
Today I found out that my father-in-law is well enough to be discharged tomorrow. I visited him last night which made me realize how much I love the old guy. It hurt my heart to see him so weak and wanting to be home. But today he was much improved and will be going home.
And with that good news, my mother-in-law's spirits are lifted. After being married for so long, they are joined at the hip and the heart. They have grown old together, experiencing the joys and the sadness of a lifetime. That is something that I think about more and more: the comfort of being together for so long. But with that comfort comes the sorrow of knowing that one day the pair bond will be broken by death. That is part of the risk of loving for so long and so deeply.
I found that in the midst of all the stress that attenuated yesterday, I could feel my body reacting as well as my mind. My muscles were tight, my head felt achy, and my emotions were raw. I could feel how the anxiety was affecting my energy. I was bone tired but could not sleep until I had gone to the hospital and then checked in on my mother-in-law who was alone. After that, I simply crashed and slept soundly until 8 AM this morning.