I came home yesterday to find that the phone lines had been cut, probably by the workers who are grading the dirt road and digging out the drainage ditches leading to the house. That is the way things are out in the country. Losing power and phone service happen fairly frequently.
I had been down on the boat doing some line splicing when I received a call from C's mother that her dad was going to go back in the hospital immediately. He was bleeding internally again and was being taken by ambulance. I tried to get in touch with C. at home, but the phone just kept ringing with no answering machine picking up.
I suspected that the phone was dead. Cell phone service is minimal at the house. So I finished up what I was working on and went home. Sure enough the phones were dead. I told C. about her dad. She was upset and at the point of utter frustration over not being able to get in touch. We walked around the property and eventually got enough of a signal for C. to call her mother and check on her and her dad in the hospital.
During all of this, I could feel that I was trying to force solutions: With the phone service, with my mother-in-law, and with C. I know that as soon as I start making suggestions for another, I am trying to control the situation. And that is when my own dis-ease comes front and center.
One of the concerns that I expressed last night to C. was about her father continuing to drive. He is 90 years old and has health issues. I think about what could happen should he get in an accident. What if he kills someone?
Neither of us wants to address this with him because he is stubborn and unyielding. I decided last night that it will be up to his doctors to make the decision. His driving is really a legal matter and not a solution that I can force.
So after I thought about that, it was time for us to have a simple evening with no internet. We read, exercised and had a good dinner. Not obsessing over what is not my business is real progress in recovery. I see that I don't have the solution for another.
I will catch up on blogs when internet is restored. I hope you are doing well.
"Our thinking becomes distorted when we try to force solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it." Al-Anon preamble