I am home after spending another night at the in-laws. They are sleeping through the night now and have for the past several nights. I think that it will be okay for us to get back to our lives momentarily and spend the night together in our own bed. I am sorely missing our snuggle time.
I haven't written much about my mother-in-law here. We have had an uneasy relationship over the years. She has been a force to be reckoned with. I can't say that I have truly felt at ease around her, although I have tried to force that feeling. I realized this morning that I have never heard her tell another person that she loved them. Yet, she did say that to me the other night. I don't know what holds a person back from telling those who are the closest to them the magic words: I love you.
Isn't that what we are all hoping to hear and feel? Love is really such a basic need. It lightens our hearts and our steps. It can make us float above the mundane. It means that someone will be there for me, has my back and that I am willing to reciprocate. I don't think that I could survive for long without expressing love.
Some people are able to freely express themselves and have the ability to open their heart and soul to others. I have learned through Al-Anon to do more of that than I did in the past. I believe that I used to choose with care those with whom I was open. In this fellowship, it is amazing what sharing around a table will do. I have learned about humility and pushing down the ego. I have heard grown men and women weep and lay their pain out there. I have done the same. And I have seen what a miracle it is to see the smiles come and resentments go. There are plenty of times that fear still comes up--fear of not being enough, of not doing enough. That is part of my human condition, yet I know that fear doesn't have to be my default position anymore.