Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I suppose that I have had a few things to be stressed about over the past several months. I definitely have been on edge a bit more lately because some of the people around me are having difficulties. That being said, I take care of myself by eating right, exercising, and relaxing. I am not overweight, don't smoke, and seldom even have a beer. But I have an active and inquisitive mind. And I am the product of a life of living with alcoholism. I suppose though that just having issues on the mind can cause a certain amount of stress. Some of those issues seem to not be immediately resolvable by me, so I have no need to spend time thinking about solutions. I know all these things intuitively, yet the feeling of a shoe getting ready to drop continues.
I am going to see the cardiologist that I went to before when I had those heart sounds that he thought were nothing to worry about. He suggested that I stop the caffeine. I wonder what he will say this time: "Stop this life of feeling responsible. Get rid of the stress." Yes, I am doing what I can on that.
I am going to take it easy today. I have a meeting tonight. I did sleep at home last night in my own comfortable bed. I realize that I can't divest my life of all stress. These are stressful times. And I have to deal with what comes my way. But the heart fluttering is a reminder that I may not be letting things go as readily as I thought. I have a residual feeling of anxiety that seems to have wormed its way into my psyche. I want my heart sounds to be strong. I want to be kind to myself and not take on the weight of the world.