I heard a fifth step of a fellow I sponsor today. It is one of the joys of sponsoring to be trusted and to trust. I sit in meetings and listen to people who are still in a lot of pain. They don't have a sponsor and are trying to recover from the affects of someone else's drinking by going to meetings. There are no musts in Al-Anon, so a person doesn't have to have a sponsor to work any step. But I believe that it certainly helps.
I asked someone to sponsor me within three weeks of being in Al-Anon. I found a person who has a sponsor and who shared his experience to guide me through the steps. Having a sponsor has helped bring a whole new dimension to the program and to myself. I know that I would not be where I am today without my sponsor. I stay in touch with him just about every day. I care how he is doing, and our relationship is important. We are friends.
Mary Christine had a wonderful post today on sponsoring. She writes: "In my relationship with my sponsor, we talk as old friends. There are times when I ask her for help or her opinion. Other times, she has asked me for mine. She has been my sponsor since I was sober 10 years, so it is now 17 years. She is now aging - as if I'm not! She is not quite the person she used to be. But she is my beloved sponsor, and always will be.......And then there are others... the relationship never moves beyond the take and take. Or the give and give."
I spend a lot of time with those I sponsor. I make myself available. It is all part of the commitment. I have to say that I don't hear from many that I sponsor unless there is something wrong. I give them a call and occasionally get together for lunch. But sometimes I simply wish that they would call me and ask how I am doing. None of us is without moments of fear and doubt and loneliness. So I guess what I am saying here is to realize that each of us likes to hear a caring voice. Stay in touch with those who have touched you. Recovery is about reciprocating and giving back what has so freely been given to you.
Thanks for this, Syd. I'm scared today. I think my husband was drinking. He was in AC over the weekend and always sounded ok when he called home, but today when I called him at work he sounded like he'd been drinking. I'm breathing, but I am a little scared.
ReplyDeletelike the new lay out...
ReplyDeleteand i think on some level many that serve in different capacities feel the same way...wishing the other would call instead of them always having to be the one...
And now I'm a bit ashamed of myself. His weekends in AC do that to me. Please forgive the reaction.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said, and so true. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the good message. it is one that I needed to hear. Celestine and I are hurting today. we had to send our Baby Harvey to the Tainbow Bridge. I did a special posting to him on Golch Central's Rambling stuff.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder Syd. I think it's true with bloggers too and I know I don't always do my part....
ReplyDeleteAmen to all you wrote, Syd. My sponsor of 21 years has saved me many a time and, I'm happy to say it's been reciprocal. It's almost as if we sponsor each other now.
ReplyDelete*shrug* We are very different Syd.
ReplyDeleteNicely said Syd. I think as well, some people may not have the ability to reach out to others as you were able to do. One of the things that took me so long to get a sponsor was an absolute dread of rejection that came from being an ACOA. I always wanted sponsorship, but had to work up a lot of courage just to ask for that. My point is, the path we are on is always based upon our perceived limitations. In welcoming people to the program, I think it's equally as important to remind them that they are allowed to ask for help- the "We" in all of the steps is what the program is all about.
ReplyDeleteGood points Syd, I'm grateful for a good relationship with my sponsor. We see eachother frequently and talk to each other a couple times a week (or more) by phone.
ReplyDelete:)
Delta32, I was going to post something very similar. I am frozen when I think of asking someone and the possible No that might come. What they see as a boundary, to me feels like rejection.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm aware of the feeling and am working on getting to the asking.
I like how you make mention of the fact that its perfectly acceptable for the sponsees to call the sponsor. We are all in need of a firm shoulder and a caring ear. No man is an island.
ReplyDeletei was reading your blog today-- i lurk here a lot because i read "through an al-anon filter" constantly and she is always singing your praises. well, i was just going to read one post, but i kept feeling like i needed to keep reading. i got what i needed from this post. i have been struggling with a return of negative hateful behaviors with the feeling that my husband's recent suspicious behavior left me no choice. i know better, but it helps to have it articulated so clearly. i have a choice in how i behave and what i do. i can behave in a way that makes me proud, or become someone i hate. thank you thank you.
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