Getting knocked down over and over will either cause a person to give up or eventually cause so much pain that they stand up and decide that something has to change. Each person will decide to either live in the problem from now until death or make a decision to seek a solution that leads to a new life. It is truly our choice.
I think that I was tired of making the effort to pretend any more. It was very lonely living a lie. Alcoholism creates a sense of isolation that is pervasive. There was no one to talk to about what was happening in our home. The therapists I saw didn't acknowledge the impact the disease had on me. I couldn't talk to colleagues. The only close friend that I had confided in, decided that he didn't want to be friends anymore. It was too hard to take that the "perfect" couple weren't perfect.
Eventually, there are few options left. For me, the only option was to get away from the stress, drama and emptiness by leaving the relationship. Just mentioning that was enough to send my wife straight to AA. And I went to Al-Anon to try to save myself. I was one of the lucky ones that decided something had to change. I had no luck at changing the other person, so it was time to focus on me. Everyday that is what I do: focus on my life, my recovery, my standing up in the face of any number of life's challenges.
Tonight the newcomer had a simple list of his problems in the relationship with his alcoholic wife. These were the things that he wrote down while sitting at his desk:
wanting to trust
And opposite these, he wrote: "Oh God, please help me."