Sunday, August 7, 2011
Yesterday, it rained and was a good soaking rain. The garden is still yielding tomatoes and eggplants. I will get out there and weed this week. With the raised beds, it isn't as much of a chore as it would be with rows on the ground.
I went to an open AA meeting last night and Appendix II--Spiritual Experience from the Big Book was read and discussed. It is no coincidence that the Al-Anon meeting on Thursday was about having a spiritual awakening. I cannot remember reading Appendix II before. But reading "Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery" sure says it all.
I have been having a lot of dreams lately about my wife and my father. They are both drinking or drunk. I am looking for them and have to search and search until I find them in a bar. I have had these dreams before, and they are unsettling. I awake and shake off the feeling of the dream. But having these dreams night after night up until this weekend suggests anxiety in my subconscious.
And there are other dead relatives in these dreams as well. All sitting around or walking in and out of rooms. What are they trying to tell me? One morning I awoke and thought, "Is this the transition to death for me?". I don't think that it is, but such dreams are so real that they are unsettling. I remember my mother telling me a couple of days before she died suddenly about her dream of dancing with my father. Her dream was a happy dream, filling her with delight. These dreams of mine were not happy but filled with angst and seeking. I am glad that for now, my dreaming mind is free of them.
We are off to do some things about town. Maybe we will go to see a movie about the loggerhead turtle later. The day is ahead, and it appears to be full of promise. Hope that yours is also.