I've noticed that C. hasn't been upbeat lately and has been tired. But she just had heart surgery in late February so I thought that had something to do with it. It perhaps does because her doctor told her that depression is common with those who have had a heart attack and subsequent surgery. Just this morning she said that she is tired of the stress of her parents (after the phone call that her mother fell) and had thought about talking to me about her depressed feelings but thought that the depression would go away. She rarely talks to her sponsor who is suffering from lung cancer. I told her she could talk to me about anything because I love her. She said that she holds things in because that is the "way I am and what I have always done." I hope to have the wisdom to say what is kind and loving because I am worried about her.
Her mother insists on not using the walker and took a fall on the hardwood floor. The EMT personnel are there now. I am heading over there to check up on things.
It's Monday. What can I say other than that it is living up to all the Monday cliches. Strangely, I feel okay because I know that really I am not in charge of what happens. I need to be an ear, a hand, and an open mind. I believe that I can do that.
Its a lot. I will be praying that you both find your way through and back to a place of serenity and comfort in knowing that your HP is walking with you through all. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI pray that your MIL is ok, and that C finds a way through her depression.
ReplyDeletewhew man...prayers for both...good news there is help for both and it is not all on you...
ReplyDeleteDepression is very tough. I know that talking it through with a spouse sounds good, but she needs to see a professional.
ReplyDeleteIt is a slippery slope, and you can not be everything to everyone, no matter how good, and responsible you are.
Prayers for your family. Annette is right, you are not alone.
Oh, Syd. I am the same way with my husband. I know he loves me but I try so hard not to make him unhappy and I know that if I am unhappy, he will be too. Perhaps it is time for C. to get on an antidepressant if she is not already.
ReplyDeleteJust keep loving. Take it one step at a time. I know you will. As to the parents- well. You know I understand.
Oh Syd. Praying for C's mother and C herself. I hope C finds help with her depression. It can feel like walking through quicksand to get through a day.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts. You all have been through quite a lot. I love how your wife can be so upfront with her feelings. I am dealing with someone right now who wont talk and isolates to the point of being destructive.
ReplyDeleteLet gOd do the driving.
Please tell C that she's not alone. I hope she can pick up that 5,000 lb. phone and call another AA member if she doesn't want to bother her sponsor. Sharing is something I had a hard time doing but it has been a God-send at rough times. It won't necessarily take the depression away but it can lessen the pain and the isolation that goes along with it.
ReplyDeleteSyd, share with C. about a book I am reading.. It is by Father Keaton... and it is called, Divine Therapy. It is about the source of all our addiction problems--the emotions... it is the next twelve step primer in my book. It is the vision that Bill W. (who struggled for years with depression) had for his own recovery... Do read!
ReplyDeleteI have never liked Monday's. Or August. But, I'm going to put all of that aside and light a candle for you and yours, Syd.
ReplyDeleteThe incredible journey continues ...
ReplyDeleteHopefully your willingness to listen does wonders. Sometimes we just need to talk. If not, well, time to seek professional help. I know you will find the way.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Syd.
Just that she *told* you she's depressed is a step in the right direction, so you know what's going on in her head. and she has good reasons, with illness all around. I hope she can see a professional but also keep you in the loop. I like to know when Jeckyll is feeling down or weird, it helps me to separate it from when he's just distracted from work or other things. It's good you are there for each other.
ReplyDeleteit's like a storm that you have to ride out. The sun will come out the next day, and she will work through the depression. You can't change it. Just be patient.
ReplyDeleteI hope your mother-in-law is OK and that C is able to get skilled help. Depression after any illness or surgical intervention is common. The nature of depression means that it is very hard to talk or reach out. Love to both of you, this has been a stressful year.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending prayers too.... Aside from the heart stuff, I know from experience that parental care-giving is very hard on us emotionally, even if the care-giving isn't hands-on 24/7. Concern for their welfare drains us. If the well isn't recharged regularly, with things like laughter and love and affirmations of life, we just run dry.
ReplyDeleteYour listening ear, loving heart, and good program will go a long way toward helping C. find small daily joys in the midst of all this. Daily pleasure is powerful medicine.
I also encourage you to encourage C. to find at least a temporary sponsor to talk to, one who has gone through similar trials. We alcoholic women desperately need a mentor when we're in emotional pain. Too much pain will make us drink. A woman who has gone through the wringer and knows what it feels like can make all the difference. I got a new sponsor this year because I needed to work with someone experienced in the particular problems I was struggling with, and she's been a godsend. A lot of footwork later, my depression has lifted. It's the magic of one drunk helping another drunk.
Well, thank God your Monday is over, and a new day has begun.
It just shows how far C has come on her journey that she has 'opened up to you'. Sometimes life is tough and can make you feel depressed - however, that does not necessarily mean that C is clinically depressed. As Pittsburgh Guy said, you will ride this storm and the sun will shine again. If this particular storm goes on too long I hope that C will seek advice from her GP. C will get through this with you by her side. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteLife can just be depressing at times......damn it.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you, C and C's parents. Gosh sometimes acceptance and movement is tough when the feelings take over!
ReplyDeleteIt says a lot that C reached out- to you, to anyone. In my experience, it is hard to do that when weighed down by depression. I pray that she continues to reach out so that she can get the help that she needs. Depression is tough, and it touches all of us in different ways, but I think it is manageable.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you, too, Syd.
yep. Heart surgery and dying parents is a heavy number for one year. Well I dont have lung cancer so if C wants to call me shes very welcome :)
ReplyDeleteHmm. How about having a chat to her HP about it? You can tell a HP stuff you don't dare tell ANYBODY u see.
sometimes I sit down with a cuppa tea and have a 20 min chat to a 'wise being'. Its called 'active imagination'. i find it works well. very healing. very gentle. great space to share stuff. if you feel weird telling a real person..
Hmm good luck with that syd. years 5 to 10 can be quite challenging.. but its ok if ur willing to go beyond skin deep and connect with truth in a more heartfelt manner. its a more vulnerable and less confident position than before year 5. But it is doable. u have to go with the ego puncturing solutions. have the courage to not have all the answers and embody vulnerabilty. well thats what I think..
hope this becomes doable in the near future..