More on motives

It rained last night which brought some relief from the heat.  And this morning the raccoons are running up and down their tree out in the wetland.  I have a feeding station where all kinds of animals come to eat. A little doe has been coming to feed in the morning and evening.  She now has started to lose her spots.  It's peaceful to watch the animals and know that they have a safe haven here.

Last night's meeting was on motives and how we are driven by fear, anxiety, past experiences, control, and manipulation when dealing with others.  I don't think that I looked at my motives in a conscious way until about two years ago.  I reacted to situations without a thought of what I was doing.  I have come to realize that my negative reactions in the alcoholic situation were about ego based shame and past experiences. 

Fear for most of us is a huge issue around active drinking. It manifests as nagging, questioning, berating, and outbursts of anger.  Not being able to relax in social settings because I was counting every drink builds up a lot of resentment.  Examining my motives was an extremely powerful tool in discovering why I did what I did and said what I said.   I would blame my anger and sadness on the alcoholic, never bothering to look at what I was doing. 

When I undertook the job of checking my motives and focusing on myself I discovered that my motives were far from honorable.   They were self-serving because I was trying to manipulate others into loving me and being the way that I thought they should be.  I didn't understand this behavior before Al-Anon because I believed that these actions were justified and the tools of survival.  I still slip at times and want to punish instead of let go. 

Self-examination is an important tool. All of the old motives can be replaced by courage, humility, love and compassion for myself and others if I remain aware and willing. 

Hope that you are having a good Wednesday.  So far so good for me.