This will be another full week for me. One of the things that I appreciate is that even in my darkest moments, I still showed up at work, for commitments with family--for daily responsibilities of all kinds. One of the things that I didn't do much of was to show up for my own life. I let the needs of others dictate what I did. My wife and I worked in the same place, so we saw each other all the time. When it came to doing things on my own, away from her, I really struggled. I thought that it was important to be there for them, putting my own interests on the back burner.
Eventually, I realized that I needed some kind of hobby. I have had a couple of serious hobbies over the years. Eventually, they came to be tiring and a burden. I kept at them because I needed some kind of outlet from all the drama at home and didn't want to be a quitter. In recovery, I discovered that I wanted to go in a different direction, one that didn't involve being competitive. And I needed a hobby that would allow me time for quiet contemplation.
I like the idea of showing up for life to do those things that bring me joy. With the luxury of being retired, I can devote time to the artistic part of me through photography and writing. And I also can devote time to sailing which brings me immense pleasure in a non-competitive way.
There are many people in meetings who have no outlet to get away from alcoholism. Sadly, they have no hobbies or a healthy activity that brings them enjoyment. I once asked a person I know what they liked to do. She answered, "I don't know. I can't think of anything that gives me pleasure." I know that alcoholism can rob me of just about everything, including my life.
Even if it is a small thing such as walking, gardening, going to meetings, having coffee with a friend, I found that it is important for me to do something that gives me pleasure, that gets my mind off myself and the alcoholic. It is important that I show up for my life. Otherwise, what is the point?
I discovered my love of running during one of the darkest periods in my life and it has continued to sustain me. Love this post Syd.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I find that my reading and my writing suffer the most. I enjoy those things but they are solitary and so often I do not get the solitude.
ReplyDeleteI think regular exercise like running or walking is what I need. I think it will help me be a happier person.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a fantanstic weekend.
ReplyDeleteMy identity gets so enmeshed with focusing on my problems instead of what is working in my life.
ReplyDeleteThe program gives me a look into a new way of looking at life.
Hobbies are a another way of keeping the focus off the alcoholic. I need to look more into new hobbies.
showing up for life to do the things i enjoy...i look forward to that day...smiles.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying about hobbies. I have always had some type of hobby or special interest. Quite frankly my woodworking hobby sustained me quite a bit during my son's active using. Although I had to replace numerous missing tools.
ReplyDeleteSyd, in your case I have seen many people that retire and their whole thing about retiring is QUITTING. It sometimes seems like they retire from life. I've always said recliners and TV's have killed more men than wars. Although, from reading your posts I never considered you as the give and quit type; your sailing, studying navigation, garden, work with students about marine environments, I never even considered you as having time for a hobby.
Good post, reminding us all that a hobby can sustain ones self, in good and bad times.
The rain does trigger the snooze button. It is so cozy to snuggle down for a nap and lay around reading and dozing on a rainy day. Hubby and I are around each other 24/7 and we each have interests and hobbies and then there are hobbies we share. Living a full life is different for each person, but if we wake up each day with anticipation and end up feeling like the day flew by, to me that is a good day.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to live our lives, not the lives of others. It's amazing how many of my Alanon friend's are accomplished photographers. Maybe the program gives them the opportunity to see things better. I really enjoy taking pictures although I'm not accomplished. Photography helps me stop and appreciate little things that I used to pass right by.
ReplyDeleteDitto what Gin said.
ReplyDeleteDitto what Dad said.
I'm afraid of the water. Big bodies of water, especially if I were in a sailboat. Once, a fortune teller told me I would die by drowning in a big body of water. WTF!! Why would you tell someone that. I think she was a drunk...
So true, it's important to show up for life! Maybe that's why I am taking guitar lessons for the first time at the age of 54. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteAt one time, my ONLY pleasurable activity was to be alone with a full quart of vodka.
ReplyDeleteNow I hate to admit that I look forward each day to so many enjoyable activities, happenings, I have difficulty choosing. WHAAAT? True!
Spot on Syd. Looking back I see where my jobs were my hobby and drinking my job. now I don't drink and have no constraints on how I spend my time. Though I wouldn't mind having a foreman to argue with...that always made me feel good about my hobby.
ReplyDeleteSo many people I know don't have anything that they love to do. My life has been saved a couple of times by running, or a quilt, or something to knit.
ReplyDeleteI know a few people in Al-anon& who advise going to more meetings -- they go to 7 or 8 per week -- but I think that balancing meetings with something like the Gym or Italian lessons or some activity not related to the alcoholic, where they have a passion, is more to the point.
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