I can remember how we would sit together for an hour before the regular meeting and go through the steps. We spent a lot of time together going through the fourth step book, Blue Print for Progress. So many memories of how desperate I was to get the message, to listen, to have a solid foundation of peace which I saw in this person. We shared a lot of information with each other and developed a level of trust that I haven't had with many people in my life.
I know that being across the country is not the end of the world. I told him about Skype and how we can talk for free via our computers. Nonetheless, it feels like a loss for me. It feels as if I have moved to a place in recovery that I am grateful for, yet I also long for those times of desperation when we would sit and talk one on one. I miss that. I miss the learning process, the eagerness that I felt, the times that I needed to be heard and to hear words of encouragement.
He left me a notebook from his early days in Al-Anon and a bag of chips, including many of his own. That is a special thing about this group--we celebrate the recovery birthday's of the members with a candle and cake and chips. We will continue this tradition, although tonight the thought of this has an empty feeling.
This isn't an ending. I sincerely hope that it is a beginning for him in his new home. He will be near one of his children. I want to say, "But what about me?" I have to let him go because it is what he needs at this time in life. That comforts me. I am much the better person for having him as my sponsor.
Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.- Richard Bach
Yes your indeed a better person for having him as your sponsor,that being said saying goodby is not always that much fun. I said goodby to a great group of people when I left Sacramento Ca to move back here to cleveland.I do miss my friends that I had out there.but at the time I left I failed to get address to keep in touch with them.there were some great charaters,they were mostly CBer's that I knew only by their handles.
ReplyDeleteto me a farewell is someplace to go later, and reconnect. I love that I have friends all over that if I wanted to I could "drop in" (with a bit of notice) and just be someplace special in their life for a short time. I love too that I have friends who drop in on me and have vacations. How special is that compared to the everyday? you will see your sponsor again, no doubt. no worries.
ReplyDeleteWe want the best for those we love.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard to let someone you love go- as if we had a choice.
ReplyDeleteYour sponsor is the repository of much of you, isn't he? He is not just taking himself away, he is taking away all of those things you entrusted him with and that's difficult.
He will keep them safe, though, just as you will keep the things he entrusted you with.
Syd, my Al-Anon sponsor moved to another city a year and a half ago. I've been with her since 1999. Or rather, she's been with me. I asked her to be my sponsor after my fifth meeting and felt overwhelming relief when she said yes. She said, "Let's try it out for three months and see how it goes, and if it's not working out we can move on." But we never moved on; we never even checked in at the end of three months. Her voice is inside my mind now. A deep level of understanding exists between us that you hardly find in relationships in everyday society. You know what I mean? I know you know what I mean. "What a gift." As she would say.
ReplyDeletei am glad for a bit that your lines entwined and created a pretty spot on the tapestry of life...perhaps again you will come together...
ReplyDeleteI like your honest "what about me?" comment. Wishing him well is a given in that you have come to love and trust your sponsor; adjusting to his being gone is yet to come.
ReplyDeleteLoving and letting go is hard. BUT....it causes growth in ways we can't begin to understand until they are actually taking place. I will be praying that through your sponsors move more will be revealed to you Syd. What a blessing that you had him for your early years in Alanon. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteFarewells are much better than good-byes. And cake is a good thing for celebrating milestones. :)
ReplyDeleteAgain and again I've found that if it is God's will, we DO meet those Peeps again...some way, somehow!
ReplyDeleteYou are sounding full of gratitude. I am grateful to witness that.
When I moved away from my first sponsor, I felt bereft. I miss all the sponsors I've had, in various places I've lived, but I've always found another amazing person to help me grow.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your sponsor will be able to carry the spirit of that meeting to a new place and that you will carry the spirit that was carried to you for a long time to come.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful for all of those wonderful Al Anon folks who continue to be such an important part of my life and story
A beautiful quote with which to end your post. But lets be honest...farwells SUCK!!! I am totally feeling for you right now. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my west coast life. I know that you are an individual who will make the effort to stay in touch. Your dedication to your program and the blog says as much. You were very gifted to have had him in your life. Now pass it one ;)
ReplyDeleteYou remind us how important it is to be heard and listened to.
ReplyDeleteOne reason I love your blog is you talk a lot about that without talking about it.