Sunday, November 27, 2011

My girl is gone

My beloved old girl, Stella, who spent many an hour out on the boat and the beach with me slipped away quietly this evening.  She was such a trooper, always cheerful and willing to ride.  She knew what to do on the boat, would get carried in and out of the dinghy, and spent many a night and day as a faithful companion.  I could tell you all the things that we did, the trips that we made, the happiness of having this beautiful animal, but suffice to say that she was pretty much my heart--one of those special ones that comes along and steals your heart but holds it tenderly.

I will tell you that I knew she was going to die a few weeks ago. I tried to convince myself that she would be okay.  The vets said that she was not in danger, but I knew. I knew but wanted to hope that she would be well.  But the other night, she looked in my eyes, and I felt that she was telling me that she could not follow me any more and that I was to go on ahead.

And today, I knew that she would not last long. She lifted her paw, even though she could not lift her head.  I carried her out to the grassy lawn where she played as a puppy.  We sat there for a while in the sun.  Then I took her back inside, called the vet to tell him she was near the end, and when I walked in to check on her, she was gone.

I can't write much else now.  We suspect that she was taken from us by a water borne spore Pythium insidiosum.  If you want to know more, you can read about it here.  She went quickly and didn't suffer.  Most likely her age had something to do with her susceptibility to the spores.  I don't know.  And right now,  thinking like a scientist is holding me together to get through this post. 

I have a million photos of her.  I chose one of us together at the beach.

47 comments:

  1. Oh my sweet Syd.
    How lucky the few of us are who know the love of a beloved dog.
    I am so sorry you have lost your precious Stella.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my gosh. I feel your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. It is such unbearable pain at first when you lose your dog. I don't know what else to say. Try to take comfort in this - so many dogs never EVER have the love she felt from you. They only know cruelty and neglect. She is watching over you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is one of the hardest things. As much as I joke about my dogs, I know how it feels one of the truest spirits in our lives leaves.
    I am grieving for you, Syd.
    I am sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so very sorry. This is so painful. I lost my beloved yellow lab in August...such a sweet soul. Atomic momma is right....let the memories of her good life with you and how much she enjoyed be of comfort to you. So many good dogs don't get to have such happiness as you gave to Stella. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am a long way from you now physically, but my tears are flowing, and I feel my heart reaching out to hold you in its heart's-love.

    Prayers, and hugs to you and all who have loved this divine animal.

    Anonymous #1

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Syd, I am so sorry. What a wonderful, love filled life she lived with you though. What beautiful gifts you gave to each other. Bless your heart Syd. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so sorry dear friend. It's not the years but the time and love shared from one heart to another. They live on within us in memories and who we are. My spirit sits beside you and remembers a sweet dog by the name of Stella, loyal, loving, and loved. (Hugs) Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Syd, so very sorry for your loss. The unconditional love of a dog is a true gift. My husband is a vet and had to euthanize his 33 year old mare this spring. He bred her mom and raised her from day 1. They are part of the family and you will always have the memories of their blessing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, Syd. I'm so sorry. This brings tears to my eyes. I'm glad you were blessed by having her in your life, but, at the same time, I'm sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So sorry for your loss Syd, you have my deepest sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. She was your furry angel, dear man. You were so blessed to have known her. My heart is breaking for you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm sorry Syd. I'm sure Stella felt she got as much from you as you got from her.

    ReplyDelete
  13. i am sorry man...that is a couple friends this year...that hurts man...sorry for your loss...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Several thoughts.

    How very sad, and 'tender' is that word, as she lifted her paw to say "Goodbye, Sweet Friend."

    Anna has been away for 4 days, and it was my time to bond with Lucky--and bond we did. I even skipped favorite AA meetings because I did not want him to be lonely for hours at a time. He's only age 3.

    I'm sorry for your loss, Syd, and feel deeply the understanding and love of the animals, especially those in our home.

    Stella: "Sleep in heavenly PEACE!"

    ReplyDelete
  15. To lose your beloved companion is such a sad event. My best wishes to you Syd. Hold onto your memories and Stella will be with you forevermore.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have dispatched Chester to greet her at the Rainbow Bridge and welcome her. Chester has in his posse hundreds of friends and loved ones pets and tons of squirrels and birds that don't make it across the roads. She will be waiting for the reunion of beloved dog and master. Until then she runs free and will never leave your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so sorry for your loss... What a gift to have such a loving and faithful companion. ((Hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  18. Life (I read this on a wall in a coffee shop) is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away. The unconditional love of a good dog blesses us in that same way. I believe we'll meet these friends again some day.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Syd I am so sorry. What a beautiful dog. She had a wonderful life, but that may not be any consolation to you now. You and C take care.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Blessed be Stella and blessed be the life of her that lives on in you

    ReplyDelete
  21. It's so hard; I hope it is some comfort that others understand.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved dog Stella.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  24. They do carry our hearts. So very sorry for your loss. Thank you for all that you share here, it helps so many of us.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh, Syd, I'm so sorry. Your words of love for your beautiful Stella brought tears to my eyes. She was fortunate to have you as her person, because you loved her so. Bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Syd,
    This truly is one of the hardest things to go through. The connection we have with our animals goes deeper than deep, and of course, the love is unconditional. I am so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and beautiful Stella.
    Monica

    ReplyDelete
  27. We have a cat who carries our hearts. Also a girl.

    Your Stella, unlike our feline, sounds like she travelled well with you in the larger world. So you have many more memories to miss, and to treasure.

    May you carry her spirit with you, now that her body cannot accompany you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh Syd. I am sorry for your loss. I understand the relationship for a man and his dog. I pray you find peace, soon.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I read your post everyday and choose now to let you know that I enjoy reading your blog. Today, however, I am saddened by your news. Healing thoughts being sent your way....

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm so sorry to hear this. We just brought our 12 1/2 year old Golden down to the SC beach for the first time this past week. The old girl loved walking on the beach and on the bluff. She loved the new ocean smells. She stumbles when she walks now, but she was looking for several walks a day. I know she may not get another chance at the beach, but I am grateful that she experienced it. Remember your many days on the water with your Stella. Thanks for sharing the picture and the good memories.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh Syd.....how lucky she was to have you for a daddy.

    :( I'm sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm sorry for your loss. I know this hurts. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Syd, my heart is breaking and I'm crying. Losing a beloved dog is one of the most painful losses in life. Stella was a special girl who adored you right up to her last moment. I know its not much comfort to hear this - but you gave her a wonderful life full of adventure and love. I am so very sorry. Please share a few more pics of her if you want.

    ReplyDelete
  34. **tears** My heart goes out to you my friend. She will always be with you. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  35. Syd, as someone who lost her cousin, grandma and best friend from highschool last year, I can relate to your pain. My prayer is that the happiness and love this dog taught you can shine back again on the world through the way you live your life. Let gratitude and memory be your guide. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Syd, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know all too well what it is like. I am having to make a difficult decision about my Sophie who has arthritis. She's not getting any better and it is breaking my heart to see her like that. We love our dogs so very much and when we lose one it hurts so much.

    She is running over the Rainbow Bridge and I'm sure that my Annie was there to greet her along with all of the other pets.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Syd... so sorry about Stella. She looks to have been a beautiful friend.

    How fortunate for you that you were awake enough in your life to have experienced her companionship. much love, your friend, G

    ReplyDelete
  39. Syd, I'm so sorry about Stella. From one dog lover to another... I understand.

    It hurts a lot but it gets better with time. Remember the good times...

    ReplyDelete
  40. ahhh i loved reading of the connection you shared with Stella.. I have only just seen this post otherwise I'd have said something earlier.. bless.. so poignant as well because of what you are having to deal with, with C's parents.. so no wonder it's a heavy burden.. sorry to hear of your loss but Stella has a different kind of life now.. I've heard that human interaction really helps animals raise their chances of having a human rebirth or a more fortunate rebirth, so I'm sure she benefitted hugely from her relationship with you. Thanks for sharing this here Syd.. it's wonderful to read about the love between animals and humans..

    ReplyDelete
  41. I just happened to come check out some blogs today Syd and read your post. So very sorry for your loss. You were always such a great comfort to me and good blogger friend while I grieved Annie. It meant so very much more to me than you will ever know.
    I know your beloved Stella is always with you still. Watch for signs of her. She will let you know she's around. Jen

    ReplyDelete

Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.