Friday, December 2, 2011

Some firsts today

There are a few firsts that I am grateful for today.

My father-in-law woke up from several days in a coma.  It is the first miracle of the day.  I am sure that there will be more if I just pay attention.  I want to ask him where he was, what did he see.  I am visiting him today and will sit quietly. No questions are really necessary.

The first frost of the season stole in last night.  The fields were covered in frost. The light was just right for a shot just after sunrise.  Crisp clear days wonderful.

The first wet nose in my face this morning belonged to a dog.  My wife's nose wasn't wet, but she nuzzled me too and gave me a kiss.  Those are precious moments in starting the day.

My first thought was the old dog.  She is still around me in spirit.  I think that she knows I want her near.  My parents were with me too for a while after they died.  And then one day, their spirits had moved on.  I had moved through the raw grief.  There are some mysteries that I am not meant to understand. I just accept them for what they are.

My first meeting with my local sponsor in a couple of weeks will be at lunch.  He has been to Australia, so I'm interested in hearing what has been going on.  He is low key and not controlling.  I can feel that we mesh well.

The first winter squash soup of the season is simmering on the stove.  I like the soup recipes posted by bloggers.  I print them out and get inspired to do some culinary stuff.  My wife smiles as I am chopping carrots and celery and squash.

I don't know what else the day has in store, but so far, it has been a good one.

For the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel peaceful. Not happy. Not sad. Not anxious. Not horny. Just all the higher parts of my brain closing up shop. The cerebral cortex. The cerebellum. That's where my problem is. I'm now simplifying myself. Somewhere balanced in the perfect middle between happiness and sadness....~Chuck Palahniuk


  1. a grand first for you with your FIL waking up.Harvey sitlll visits with me and from time to time the other cats and our dog Cookie ciome to visit with me as well. they let me know that things are OK.I will see them all and be with them all again as I approach the rainbow Bridge some day and we will enter heaven together.Big Time Hug mt friend.

  2. I read this and then let out a deep sigh of stuff held inside which your words allowed me to release.
    Thank-you, Syd. Thank-you.

  3. I love the idea of our parents spirits staying with us until the raw grief passes. I didn't even think I would experience raw grief...little did I know.

    I am so glad your dad-in-law has woken up. I hope he continues to heal.

    Thank you for all of the comments on my blog. I always love hearing from you. :o)

    And you cooking...I love that idea too.

  4. Lovely post. Chuck Palahniuk's quote is good. It is good to be at peace. As for the other "not" feelings..., well, tmi. :)

  5. kinda glad your wifes nose was not wet...haha...that is a nice way to wake up...and so happy about your FIL

  6. I'm glad you are feeling calm and peaceful, Syd. Loved that but about "the first wet nose."

  7. It's good to be in the middle of things, not to high, not too low, just right in middle of glorious firsts. Enjoy your day.

  8. Sounds like a good day to me.

  9. Grief is wondrous in a way, or so it's proved to be for me. You said it so well..."And then one day, their spirits had moved on. I had moved through the raw grief"
    It's getting through that raw stage that is so critical I can remember my late husband without the pain, I remember his loving spirit and his humor.

  10. Beautiful words, Syd. I read a book called, "Final Gifts" written by hospice nurses. Really interesting read. I too feel as though my father is with me still sometimes especially when I need help fighting the fight. His spirit gives me the strength that I don't have on my own.

  11. wonderful firsts my friend! I cannot wait to hear how C's dad is doing...

    I love those frosty, clear mornings!

  12. I am glad you are feeling some healing energy these days after so much loss. I read somewhere you have to be open to all feelings and respond to them....not just the "good" ones.

    Thinking of you.

  13. I'm SO sorry for your loss, Syd. You had a really special bond with your dog. I love that about you.

  14. Not horny? LOL for a minute I thought YOU had written thatm rather than quoting it.

    Glad for some good firsts...and that dad-in-law is on the mend.

  15. When my Grandpa passed away, his spirit stayed with me for a while. It was comforting in a strange but peaceful way.

    I'm glad your father-in-law is on the mend.

    It always amazes me the miracles that are right underneath my nose when I decide to pay attention. Those are good days.


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