Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Finding a voice

This city is filled with so many people.  Even the grocery store was packed.  And people are honking horns and driving like maniacs.  This country boy cannot wait to get back to the island.

There are a lot of boats here--big ones that speak of lots of money.  This is a wealthy city by many standards.  But I know that there are other areas where things aren't so great--just a few blocks from the big houses and big marinas.  I know that I would not like to live here.

I found an Al-Anon meeting last night.  It was one that was behind a gate in an upscale housing community.  I drove back and forth trying to find it, finally stopping at a gas station where I asked a policeman who was buying a carton of cigarettes.  He told me how to get there--it was a turn next to the gas station into the housing development.  I looked for the church steeple and made my way to where I saw cars parked and the Welcome Al-Anon sign on the door.

I walked in to a group of five people who warmly welcomed me.  It was about one minute before the meeting started. When I told them that I had difficulty finding the meeting place, the chair person said, "Well, we were waiting for you."  That is a great welcome to a person you have not met.  And just like that, it was a meeting of people who shared about how to let go when someone in your life is drinking their's away.

Several shared that they had children who were active alcoholics.  Slob living conditions, no job, asking for money--that seemed to be the common thread for parents who were trying to give love but not support the many demands of the alcoholic.  One lady said that she would send her brother a gift card for a food in a grocery store but worried that he would buy wine instead of food.  Another mother shared that she did not like to visit her son because he lived in an abysmal place, never cleaned it, and played on her sympathy to get money from her.

I thought about several bloggers who are trying to find a balance between love and enabling.  I do believe that each of us has a higher power.  The alcoholic who is destitute and hurting has a higher power, just as I do.  I think that at some point,  the realization that no other human can make me feel better, was the most important thing that turned me towards a spiritual solution.  I have no answers for others.  I am not in their situation with children who are killing themselves with alcohol.  But I can see that it is no easy thing to have your heart being torn from you while saying, "No, I will not send you money."

I am going to another meeting tonight.  No matter where I go, the stories are the same.  And in this city, it would seem that there are so many more people out there who haven't yet found a voice to tell theirs.

17 comments:

  1. I love the picture. I love the crowds and busyness of city life. I miss it so much. They waited for you to get there to start the meeting. Sweet. I hate the stories of children alcoholics and sadness and desperation in the voices of the parents. I pray this is not my future.

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  2. glad you were able to find that meeting and that they were waiting on you...smiles...i like that realization you had as well...

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  3. My husband is adict to drug, I´m not suer, but i believe that I´m also alcoholic, I need help..

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  4. Im happy to see that Florida al-anon is taking good care of you, Syd. Im also happy to be reminded that I do not have that active disease in my life today. THANK GOD.

    Enjoy your visit here and yes, we have too many horn honkers and traffic ninnies...'

    LOL

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  5. "...no other human can make me feel better..."> brings this to mind. I spent chaotic first months in Al-Anon getting acquainted with the philosophy and the details, and applying the idea of powerlessness to other people and to all externals in my life. I concentrated on the externals, that is. I guess I had to pass through that as a sort of phase. Get it out of my system? But after a while, I began to settle down and started seeing and concentrating on the internals - which is where it's at so to speak. Feeling better is somewhere there in that muck, not the muck outside of me, as is hope. It's all in me and it's up to me and, best of all, it's possible.

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  6. Syd, your post, and the following comments describe to me a unity which is seldom seen in other places.
    PEACE!

    (Love to see those big boats, but I'd need help to manage. 16'-22' is good enough for my taste.)

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  7. Great post :). Being a parent definitely has its painful moments. As with every type of painful moment, Al Anon principles and practices helped me survive. Watching my child (18-19-20) make destructive choices was the hardest thing I have ever endured. Even when she was younger, I always joked that I could trust my higher power with everyone/thing but her. Some of that is my upbringing in an alcoholic home, and some of it is just hard core mommma instinct. I did my best, though, and Al Anon helped me SO MUCH with focusing only on what I could control and setting the boundaries to take care of myself. Detachment has never been more important or more of a blessing in any other relationship in my life. And, we seem to be on the other side of a really painful chapter. What a relief :). Enjoy your stay in Florida!

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  8. I have always felt welcome and secure at different Alanon meetings. I love the unity and the consistency!

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  9. I really enjoyed reading this post Syd, thanks.

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  10. Going to meetings in different cities and countries is a great experience. Although different they still feel comfortable. It sounds like a January 1st Step meeting - a great way to start a new year. Thanks for the strength and reminder to get out of the way of my son's higher power.

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  11. But there you are- you have found your people. No matter where you go, you can find them. Isn't that a miracle? Isn't it?

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  12. I don't care for city life either Syd but I do spend much of my time in very poor disadvantaged communities and know that people who seemingly don't have two cents to rub together somehow borrow or steal money to buy drugs. Out here we don't give money to people who are begging on the street because it just perpetuates the problem, but we do fund shelters and support families who have been destituted by addict sons, daughters or spouses. That is the inevitable end of the road -- the parents or spouse left penniless.

    Cris -- I read your message here. Call your local branch of Alcoholics Anonymous and someone will help you find a meeting. Good on you for asking for help.

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  13. I like that you were determined to find it and did. I like out of town meetings! I don't know too many places in Florida but I did stay for a week in the Keys once and loved Islamorada!
    Enjoy yourself

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  14. Glad you found a meeting. I like to go to meeting in new places.

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  15. Out of town meetings are awesome and scary all at once. I'm always nervous when I arrive and I've never been disappointed in the warm welcome I always receive.

    I make it a point to be as welcoming as possible to newcomers and out-of-towners when they visit meetings I frequent. I know how it feels to be "not from around here" and it feel great to be welcomed!

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  16. As a country gal myself, I also would not do well to live in a busy city like that.

    I love going to new meetings, especially in different cities. I went to a new meeting last night that I haven't been to before, it was small and comforting. Detachment was the topic. Interesting my higher power has been repeatedly been passing this message onto me through others lately. Saying a prayer I will absorb and hear what I need to hear.

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.