Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What money can't buy
Yesterday, we put together clothes for him. The clothes included the new ones that he got for Christmas. It was just a little over a month ago that he was here, opening his presents, having a good meal, and sharing Christmas with us. He seemed happy. We added his new robe to the pile of clothes--the one that he got for his birthday on January 15. Something happened between the time we gave him these things and now.
I talked to a lady after the meeting last night. She said that her father went crazy after recent surgery, hitting his son, spitting on her, screaming and throwing things. He is now in restraints and is wearing a face mask at a local hospital. She said, "This isn't my dad. What happened?". I don't know really. What I think is that parts of the brain are dying, and the circuitry that is left isn't really enough to sustain what used to be a sociable person.
I have learned that money talks in all of this. It is all about money. The nursing home manager wanted to know whether there was enough money for him to have a private room and for his wife to have her 24 hour a day caregivers at home. Is this something that is any of her business? I don't know. I simply said "Yes.". She was sure there was a great room for him then.
The bank manager was suspicious of my wife when she went to inquire about how much her dad had withdrawn when he escaped with the car the other afternoon. She was told that he did not want her to have access to any of his accounts. C. said she felt like a criminal but bravely produced the durable POA. The bank manager then asked her a lot of questions about what happened and how he seemed so nice the other afternoon, just before he came home and went crazy. None of her business, but C. answered as best she could: "I don't know really. He just went berserk. Maybe dementia or Alzheimer's. We don't know."
We left the bank knowing that we had to find the money he withdrew and deposit it back in the bank. Eventually, we found it--a fat stack of $100 dollar bills. What was he planning to do with it? It was enough to pay for one month in the nursing home or go on a nice cruise to the Mediterranean. I don't know.
There is so much that we don't know right now. What we do know is that he will be in a safe place, have a nice room, be well taken care of, have clothes and food. But he won't be with his family. Money can't buy that.