It's Friday, and we are already out at the anchorage. The garden and flower beds are watered. The grass is cut. The parents are maintaining and being looked after. So the things holding us to the land have been taken care of.
I still feel as if something is gnawing at me, not letting me feel fully at peace. I have a sense of foreboding, as if something is going to happen. I listen to these intuitive feelings because they have proven to be true in the past. I realize that it's foolish to project so I turn my thoughts to fixing dinner together, reading a book, commenting on blogs, walking on the beach.
I don't want to tell my wife that part of what worries me is her. I nearly lost her to a heart attack last year. I honestly cannot imagine my life without her. And I know that she seems happy but the situation with her parents has been a strain over the last 8 months. I want her to feel carefree but realize that I can't make that happen. Her sponsor is dying, and she hasn't been to see her in a couple of months. I don't think that she wants to see the deterioration in body and spirit. I hate seeing her worry, so I do enough for both of us which is not a good solution.
One of the things that I have heard in Al-Anon for years is that by staying busy, I get better. But as in everything, there is a need for balance. Being frantically busy is not what I want to do. I did that for many years, running from my problems by juggling so many things. So this weekend, I will do the usual things that bring me comfort. And that includes getting more rest.
Hope that you are having a peaceful Friday.