I dropped all pretenses about my wife's alcoholism the last few months of her drinking. It brings back some bad memories. I would repeatedly ask her to stop which she would do for a while and then, the insanity would start again.
Finally, things got bad enough that I no longer cared. Her driving off from a party drunk, and leaving me to walk home was the final straw.
It took me a while to learn to keep the focus on me. That took a lot longer than continuing to blame her and others for my problems.
We had so much resentment after getting into recovery. We were civil to each other, but both of us were shell shocked. We both knew that each of us was hurting.
I always thought that an "I'm sorry about last night" would make me feel better. But it didn't because the behavior didn't stop. I could recognize that nothing was going to change with words. She really and truly meant it when she said that she was sorry and wouldn't do it again. And then the disease takes hold and is stronger than the person's sheer willpower.
Fortunately, I listened to what my sponsor suggested over and over. I didn't dwell on all the damage that was done. I did not want to pretend that nothing happened but saw no point in blaming and being mired in resentment.
I've learned that it's fine to speak what's on my heart so long as I don't have any expectations attached to the response. I ask myself "what is my motive?" when I want to speak my mind. That really got me to pause and examine whether I had a lot of unrealistic expectations attached to what I was about to say. If my motives looked anything remotely like "I want you to change so I can be happy" then I chose not to speak or to let it rest until the day I felt I could speak without the expectations attached.
I acknowledged the elephant in the room, looked hard at it, and got my self together so that it did not continue to ruin my life. Everyone's solution will be different. In the long run, we do what's right for us and helps us to get our life back under our own control.