Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Six years for C.

The rain yesterday was peaceful.  I stayed home for the entire day.  We cooked some delicious salmon for lunch, made a blueberry dessert for C.'s meeting tonight, read, worked on paperwork for her parents and the financials with that, and took a nap.  When my wife left for her doctor's appointment,  I decided to head to the gym for an hour of lifting weights and treadmill work.

I had to force myself to leave the cocoon of the house.  We have lived in several homes over the years but nothing like this one that we had custom built.  There's something special about each house where we lived because we had experiences, good and bad, in each.  I can remember every room and all the things that we did to make each one attractive and "home".

But this house that we put our own hand in building is special.  We painted every room, varnished all the doors, put up sheet rock and insulation, helped install the wood floors that are throughout the house,  cleared the debris from building, and  designed and planted the gardens.  And I believe that what makes the house most special are the quiet surroundings of the woods and fields.

Out of every window I see green--trees, gardens, ferns, bushes and lawn.    This is a subtropical climate so lush vegetation is common.  And the animals seem to find a particular haven here.  There are deer that sleep near the top of the drive, wild turkeys that cross the dirt drive, the "raccoon tree" where babies crawl up and down and out on limbs,  and the birds that come to the multitude of feeders set up on a maple tree in the back yard.

And this is the house where we finally came to a decision about our lives together.  It was either going to be a life where C. got sober or where we parted ways.  Her drinking had escalated over the years to the point where she was drunk most every evening.  She wasn't sloppy drunk every night. That was reserved for special occasions when we would go to a social event, or people would come here.  But evenings she would sip wine, saying that she needed to unwind or relax.  I believed her for a while but realized that she was drinking more and more.

I remember her telling me that I should keep the house and she would move out.  And I said that I wanted to go because there were too many memories here.  Thankfully, it didn't come to either of us leaving.  She went to her first AA meeting six years ago this week.  Today she will celebrate that at her home group meeting.  I am glad for her.  Glad that she found a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other and who are sober and productive people.

I'm glad that she got sober in AA and in this house.  No treatment centers, no detox but in a house that we built together and with a meeting in the basement of an old country church.  I am grateful for so much.

20 comments:

  1. Congratulations to C and how wonderful you stayed together in a house you worked on together, in a landscape you both love so deeply. This post moves me so much.

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  2. The miracle of love and work.
    I think you live in a place of sustenance.

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  3. Congratulations to C! and to you too for staying with her. That house & landscaping sounds like absolute heaven.

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  4. Your home sounds lovely. Congratulations to C. I think anyone who finds long term sobriety and learns new ways to live....are so courageous.

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  5. good job her...and your house from what i have seen in your pictures looks wonderful...love being in the thick of nature...

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  6. Ah, the peace and serenity of a house you have made just the way you like. And then making it into a home. So happy for both of you.

    Our house makes us both very happy. My husband has done a lot of the work. We like the location. It is a refuge at the end of a trying day.

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  7. Ohhhhh Syd - - - - I am so homesick for the country and the peace of the fauna and flora.

    Thanks for the beautiful picture you have painted of a lovely home filled with memories and built by the hands of love.

    Hugs,
    Anonymous #1

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  8. So glad you are in such a peaceful place, Syd. I still wonder what gets some through the doors of AA and not others. I guess that is for our HP to know.

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  9. What a beautiful picture, and a beautiful picture of your home. Home where recovery lives, lives were saved, and a marriage survived and thrives. Thank God for those little meetings in the basements of churches. They are my favorite. Happy Birthday C!

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  10. Six years is a long time. I am glad that you are both healed and happy. It is very comforting to be so settled.

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  11. It's nice to be able to say "ahhhh life is good."

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  12. A home built for better or worse, for sickness and health......nothing more beautiful than fighting for each other with each other.... and the old country church where she healed with kindred souls....it is a beautiful picture indeed.

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  13. Being sober 6 years...oh hell yeah! Now that is a period of time you can look back on and decide honestly whether you were better off seven years ago or not.

    Syd you're tropical...man get some lotus seeds and throw them in a pond for me will ya! White lotus would be good.

    I've lived rural but never in a house and never one spot for long and now i am fully convinced as you are that this place is ours and it is where we belong. *shrug* Home is home.

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  14. Congrats to C! The miracle of recovery... for all of us. That is so wonderful you have a special home that each of you are invested in and an environment that allows you to invest in each other. Beautiful.

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  15. Having gratitude for life is a gift of the program. I was leery when things were going to smooth...
    waiting for the next problem to attach to was how I was trained.
    Today I can enjoy simple times and let them sink in

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  16. I feel peace and joy in this post about your home. :) Just meditating on these words can bring that wonderful sense of home to light.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful experience.

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  17. wow.. 6 !! years already.. AMAZING.. how time flies.. what I LOVE is that C did it like the way we all did in the 80's.. without rehab or anything else except meetings... Bless her little cottons. Plus you two have had a lot !! to deal with in the last year or so, so it really shows that the program works if you work it.. very happy for you both :) yaaaay

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  18. ...and the miracle continues. Im glad you have mutual sobriety in your home and life Syd.

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  19. This is so wonderful, Syd. You write so beautifully and lovingly about your wife, and although I don't know either of you, I'm very happy for you both. My husband has also gotten sober over the past year, in the midst of a job loss (thankfully he's now employed) and a move. We have been at a very pivotal point in our marriage (stay or go), and I think we are moving into a much better place. I see how much I have contributed to the dysfunction, and have learned that the place of "being right" has gotten me nowhere except lonely and angry. I hope we continue to grow in our relationship as you and C. have. Congratulations!
    Monica

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