Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Taking action and letting go

I want to thank all of you for comments about my cousin, R.  And I am especially grateful to Mary Christine who offered her suggestion to contact a patient advocate or chaplain.  I did just that this morning.

I have been turning my cousin's situation over in my mind and given it to my HP.  But the feeling I had this morning when I read Mary Christine's comment was that I needed to make a call.  I simply felt it was what I needed to do.

So I called the hospital and talked to my cousin's case worker.  I told him what was going on, explained that he had an advance health care directive (AHCD), and waited for him to say something. He told me that he could not give me any information due to HIPPA and that I needed to talk to R's wife.  I explained that I wasn't wanting information because I had talked to R's wife many times about him. But what I wanted was to give the hospital information that he does have an AHCD.

It is now out of my hands.  I don't feel particularly settled about this.  I suppose I was wanting something more than telling me I could talk to an attorney or his wife. But I did what felt right to me.  I did what I thought I would want done if I were in a situation of wasting away with sores and tubes.  I gave information, and if it is useful so be it.

I will give his wife a call later. And I am going to suggest to her as kindly as I can that she let him go.  What she does is not something I can control.  I can't have this eating at me anymore.

I am going on the boat for a couple of days, leaving this evening.  I will check in with photos of the beautiful weather we are having. Yesterday, it was near 80 here.  And the next few days are expected to be equally as beautiful and warm.

Thanks again to you, the blogging community, for the thoughts and comments and love that you put out there. It is much appreciated.


  1. Yep. You did what you could. Now let it go.
    Be at peace on the water, Syd.

  2. enjoy your time ont eh boat man...and dont let the shadow of this follow you have made them aware...let it go, let it happen for now...

  3. Thank you for continuing to share your story. Your experience, strength, and hope give me strength and hope, and it helps.

  4. That suggestion sounded so good to me Syd and I'm glad you acted on it. I'm hoping your cousin's wife will be able to hear you and let go -- but you have done your bit and I hope you have a peaceful time on the water.

  5. I am glad to read this. Patient advocacy is not easy and it's not comfortable. But it gives our hearts some peace.

    Now I hope the case worker does what he is supposed to do - what it is his job to do.

    Have a restorative weekend, Syd & C.

  6. Glad you took care of yourself and made the phone call. This is a lesson for me to think about in more detail.

  7. So Glad:
    You didn't take offense at my unsolicited advice;
    You made the call;
    You are going out on the boat.

    Peace be with you!

  8. We had a Chaplain come see us while at Nicole's bedside. We were NOT going to listen. I wish a patient advocate was made available to those in ICU. Nicole had a directive but no one followed it.

    Be at peace Syd. you did more than your part.

  9. I'm proud of you. Your cousin has been on my mind. I think it is horrible what his wife is putting him through. I assume there are no other family members you can rally to honor his wishes or you would have done that by now. I know it is hard but I hope you follow through with the phone call to his wife. I will pray for you for peace and guidance and the right words that she can hear what you are saying.


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