Yesterday, we awoke to find that the electricity to the pump house and well pump was off. There is a break in the wire somewhere which means that the wire has to be located, the break found, and a new wire put in conduit. I rigged up extension cords to run the water pump and deionizing system so we do have water.
The day started out on a downer and went down hill from there. I was stuck in the gloom of sadness. We found notes from Mom and photos of her and Pop on fishing trips with us. They were fairly young and vigorous then. She also saved every single letter from C. when she was in the Peace Corps. Every one that came from that little village in Ethiopia were right there in a labeled folder. And the one that I picked up to read was about her drinking on Christmas Eve. I put that letter away and didn't bother to read any more. Reading about drinking and trying to find Christmas carols on an old radio didn't help my frame of mind.
But as I know only too well, I can start the day over. So I went to a meeting in the early evening. The topic was on expectations and how to have relationships that aren't filled with pre-meditated resentments based on expectations. It was just what I needed to hear.
My expectations have crept back in lately. I keep expecting that every day will be filled with joy. I keep expecting that people will not disappoint. I keep expecting that some semblance of sanity will return to the world. I keep expecting that I will be able to get all the tasks done that I need to do in a day or two. I keep expecting that people will be givers and not takers. With so many unreal expectations, it's no wonder that I feel overwhelmed and a bit lost.
I know that feeling sad and disappointed will pass. I simply have to sit with the feelings for a bit and then move on to do something else. This life has its joys and sorrows. And all I can do is ride them out, one day at a time.
Today is a new day. We are going to lunch and then to see a movie. Time to take a break from the seemingly endless packing of the parent's house. Time to take care of ourselves, hug and be together.
“joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”― Kahlil Gibran