Friday, November 7, 2014

A Backup Plan

I am on my way to Virginia and will soon be back in my home state. Tomorrow is the celebration of my cousin's life. I am not sure how things will go, but I am glad to know that I can leave if necessary. I talked to his wife last night and she had been drinking. So if things get going too much tomorrow with the booze, I am prepared to drive away. 

I have learned over the years of dealing with alcoholism that having a backup plan is really essential in taking care of my self. I used to be caught unaware and endured endless drunken parties because my wife and I drove together. She would want to stay for more drinking, and I would comply, only to be miserable. Nothing good comes from hanging around when people get out of control with their drinking. So I know that I don't have to stay.

Tomorrow is going to be difficult for his wife. She misses him incredibly and was crying on the phone last night. She wants me to take a lot of family items back with me, such as the family bible and his mother's antique dolls. She kept saying "I have to get rid of this stuff from his family." My family revered antiques and family history. That reverence was passed on to me. I will gladly be the caretaker for these remnants of a family that has died out, except for me. And eventually all that has been passed to me will go to an antique auction or to the historical society in my home town. 

So my plan is to show up and be of help where I can. I feel compassion for the living who miss their loved ones. I am glad that she feels his spirit around her. I have felt that same feeling with recent deaths. And then, their spirit moves on when I have accepted their death and feel at peace. I am hoping for that acceptance and peace in the days ahead for her.


  1. Sounds to me like you've got it covered. May all go well. May your cousin's spirit soar.

  2. I too have had to remind myself that I am allowed to leave when at a social situation where the drinking has become pronounced. I'm usually uncomfortable as it is because I'm a textbook introvert, and the drinking just adds to that discomfort. Especially as it used to be my way of coping with social situations. I'm glad I know that it's ok to have an escape plan.

    I hope all goes well for you and your cousin's wife.

  3. I can't even begin to imagine owning anything that would go to a historical society after I am gone. lol Oh Syd, I think you and I are probably such different people, but so similar.
    When I am around people who are so obviously broken, I go into it thinking that I am there to serve, no strings attached, no expectations to make anything better....just acceptance and unconditional love and to be there. With my limits and boundaries firmly in place. Maybe I got that from you! :o)
    Drive safe. I hope its a beautiful farewell to your cousin.

  4. Listening is loving, it's a gift that you can make yourself available. And leaving can be loving yourself, you will know what to do.

  5. Sorry for the loss of your cousin,Hugs my friend.

  6. When I am taking care of myself everyone else benefits. Deatching with love is my dharma gate hard for me to practice-- when I can it is freedom...
    Back up plans, need to remember this myself with the Holidays coming up.
    Wishing you moments of peace and serenity ....


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